I'm scared to come out to my dad

I don’t really know where to start… I guess I’ll start of by fully introducing myself. My name is Rachel. I’m a self-taught artist, I’m a photographer, a drummer, and I’m a gay female. I’ve known I like girls for a while now and these feelings aren’t going away. As of writing this, I’ve only told 4 people who I’m close with and who I knew would be accepting. My mom is 1 out of those 4 people. However, my dad doesn’t know this and I’m very scared to tell him. My dad and I get along just fine. He isn’t the most religious person, and we haven’t had any past issues with our relationship. But I’m afraid that if I tell him that I like the same sex, it will somehow ruin our current relationship and he’ll think of me differently. These thoughts have been giving me a lot of anxiety lately. It’s starting to become very overwhelming and my urges to cut again are very strong. I love my dad so much; I would hate it if one day I told him that I like girls and he’d just end up shutting me out and thinking of me differently just because of my sexuality… any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

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Hi Rachel,

First of all, thanks for sharing something so personal and private. I know that isn’t always easy. I’ve seen you around on discord and stream. It’s nice to see you here on the wall and sharing!

I’m glad that your momma was so accepting of you. That’s amazing! It really is. Is it at all possible to have your mom as a Support with you as you talk to your dad? (Asking while not knowing if they are together or not)

I know that telling parents about these things can be so scary because you don’t want to let them down and you don’t want to disappoint them somehow. But if you don’t talk to him, it’s going to eat at you till you do. Maybe you can do a lunch or something together at one of your guys place and just have a heart to heart.

I hope with all of my heart that he is loving, accepting and kind. And proves to you that your fears need not be a thing. I hope that you will be relieved and able to carry on with your relationship without worry.

Please don’t hurt yourself. :disappointed: Be gentle with yourself. So many people here care about you and want you to be okay. Let us be a friend, encouragement, guidance and support for you. You don’t have to go at this alone. We want to make you feel loved and cared for.

Do you have a therapist you can talk about these things to? That could maybe help as you figure out how to approach your dad.

Anyway. I don’t have all of the answers but I care so much for you! And I want to see things work out so you don’t have to struggle with so much anxiety. You are so important.

Please keep reaching out to us. Here. In discord. Stream. We are here for you.

Hold fast my friend

I do see a therapist, but my family decided it was best to have me go every other week instead of every week. So i don’t see my therapist until next week. But when I see her, I’ll talk to her about this. I really appreciate your kind words friend. It means a lot to me. Thank you.

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Well, I hope that if you need to see them more that it will be okay with your therapist and your family. It’s so important. I hope for you that your family is supportive in this.

And again we are here to help if you need. Much love to you <3

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Hey! I know I already DM’d you this, but I’m putting here incase anyone else is interested…
This is my story of coming out to my dad. He’s not religious, at all, but he is highly abusive and very closed minded to anything not “traditional”
I knew for a long time that I liked girls, but, I kinda just shook it off as a normal thing and carried on dating guys because that’s what I was taught by my parents was right.
I had told my closest friends that I was having feelings for girls, and that it didn’t feel right being with a guy, and they were super accepting and supportive, so I leant on them and spoke to them whenever I started to doubt that I was “allowed” to be into the same gender… 3 years ago, I fell in love with a girl and we started to date, she was openly gay, I was not - and so she started to question whether I truly loved her because I still hadn’t told my parents… I very nearly split up with her because of the fear.
When I decided it was time to come out to my parents, I made sure I had a back up plan INCASE things went bad… I had somewhere I could stay until things were sorted/i could get my own place, people to ensure I was safe etc. With all that in place, I first went to my mother, who, is pretty open minded… She was disappointed but accepted it, and then asked me if I was going to tell my dad, to which I said I was scared about… She offered to be there when I told him… Instead, what she did was told him that I needed to speak to him about something and that I was a little afraid of his reaction due to his views, so that he approached me about it. (I had brought conversations about it up in the past to get an idea of his views before I came out to him)
I don’t know if you have that option of someone else talking to him like that, but, maybe, you could try and bring the topic up in some conversation, maybe put on a TV show with him where there is lesbian relationships? There are plenty out there with even just a small scene of 2 girls together. That way you can get an idea of his views on the subject, and work out how and when to approach it… Whether it’s through writing it down in a letter or face to face… Telling him that it doesn’t affect YOU. You are still you, it’s just that, instead of having an attraction to guys, you’re attracted to girls.
My dad really wasn’t pleased with it, honestly, he makes comments about it all the time to try and make me feel guilty, such as “I don’t think I’m ever going to get grandkids am I? especially not from you” but, i have my friends and community to lean on, and so do you. You don’t have to rush this. You say you guys are close, if he loves you, he’ll want you to be happy, and his beliefs AREN’T yours, so, even if he sees it as wrong, he should understand that maybe you don’t share that, and it’s okay.
It’s freaking scary, I know, but, take your time. Like I said, try and get an idea of his views around the subject before hand, sometimes that can make it a lot easier.
I hope this makes you feel a little better… I know many people have far worse experiences than mine, but, no matter what, there’s a whole community here for you.

Hold Fast

Hey thanks for sharing. I actually am a pansexual and can kinda relate to coming out. To say that it is scary would be an understatement. Come out when you feel ready and safe to as well as if you feel comfortable talk to your counselor or someone else that makes you feel safe. Remember you set the pace and you decide who you want to come out to. If you feel you are not ready to tell your dad that is okay and if you are that is okay too. I wish you the best of luck in your choice and know that you are loved.

First off thank you for sharing this with us. We are here for you. I am so sorry that you are struggling with this. The idea of coming out to family is so hard. I did not get the chance to actually come out to my family before they learned about me being transgender (ftm). I do want to say that if you feel that your parents will be accepting in anyway shape or form that it will be a good idea that you get the chance to tell them. But only do it when you are ready. My parents were not accepting sadly so I was glad I did not tell them face to face. If the anxiety is too much for you perhaps tell them in a letter that you hand them and sit there as they read it. That way they read it but you are able to talk to them after. But your anxiety is able to keep your from messing it up you have out what you want to say. Or like a list of what you want to say to them and you follow it. I also know people who have asked about someone else like a friend that may be made up and asked about that person and said metaphorically what would you do if you were in this persons shoes just to get the idea of how your parent would reply to help yourself know how it would feel.

Overall just do not stress. I know this is something huge to come out. But see it this way your opening a door. I was apart of a group that on national coming out day they took a door on a lawn that was painted rainbow and anyone could go through the door and share their coming out story all of it or as little of it as they wanted. So you are the one that gets to write your coming out story. So if you want to write your coming out story write it your way. Dont stress just know that you have us and that we support you. Be proud that you are loved for who you are not because you are you not for who you love or anything else. If you need more just know this that I am here.

Hold fast.