Back here again. I can’t stop thinking about killing myself. Being alive is hurts to much. My family is no help. If anything they’re just plain nasty. Whenever I try to talk to them seriously they either mock me or ignore me. I don’t know what is worse.
It’s like I’m not allowed to be depressed or upset or feel bad. It’s like it just makes my mother angry. Now that I think about it she doesn’t ever really comfort me. When I’m upset or sad about something and I try to talk to her she won’t even look up from her phone. When she does it’s because I irritate her and she tells me as much. As for my grandmother I’m an adult now so I shouldn’t even get upset in the first place.
Maybe if I kill myself then they’ll understand how hard it was for me to live somedays. How I was trying my best.
what this is in reality is you crying out for someone to value you, value your feelings. For someone to say, hey I hear you, I see you, and I’m here for you, because I know things are really hard right now.
Guess what? WE’RE here for YOU, We see YOU, we care about you.
We all expect our families to be a comforting understanding unit, but sometimes they fail us, sometimes they make it harder. We’re here to help you, to love on you, to tell you that you matter to us.
Removing yourself from the situation permanently in order to teach them? Not very likely to work at all. You know what the best way to end this unhappiness is? It’s by ending the unhappiness! There is always hope for a better tomorrow, or maybe a better next week, or maybe a brighter next month if you do the work now.
I’m only now meeting you but I can tell you that you’ve tried to talk to two people about how you feel. that’s AMAZING. Forget their reaction, you have no control over that. but the thing you did? Reaching out? Expressing yourself? Dude, that’s light years ahead what some of us can do with one person!!!
Maybe they both belong to a system of thinking where feelings and emotions don’t matter, real old school sort of thinking. You have realized that that doesn’t work for you. You’re ready to break that pattern. YOU’RE HERE!! I’m so dang proud of you already, and I’m excited about your future!!
Hold strong friend, it can get better. I think you can overcome this with some work, some support (lots of that here!!!).
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing so much turmoil inside. It really sucks that your family doesn’t give you the support you need and deserve. I’m really glad that you found your way back here so we can help lift you back up.
When our emotions are not validated by the people in our lives that in our eyes should, it makes us feel unimportant and unseen. You’re not tho, you are a person worthy of love and happiness. You’re emotions are very valid and you shouldn’t have to feel shame or embarrassment because of them.
I used to think this very same thing. We want to make them see our pain, right? I know it sounds logical right now, but the reality of it is… there are other more healthy ways to do this. You’re life is way more important than people that don’t support you. Think about that.
Reach out to someone else in your life you trust, don’t rely on your family to help. Do you have someone you can talk to? There are resources out there that will help as well, you don’t have to be alone in this ok? We are right here too for you.
This week has been so awful. I have never had a friend. I’ve been alone for so long that I probably have social anxiety. Interacting with people is so hard. Whenever I try to speak to my mother about anything, something I find interesting or anything, she just flat out ignores me or talks over me. It makes me feel so worthless. Am I even here.
I finally made a friend we had so much in common. We could talk for hours. I was so happy. We friends for two months and I felt so normal. It made me feel seen to have someone to talk to. But it turned out she’s not who I thought she was and I don’t know if our friendship was genuine. She didn’t do it on purpose,she has her own problems. I doubt I’ll see her again and even if I do it won’t be the same.
To make matters worse. My uncle has been coming around here again. I’m so terrified that my grandmother will let him stay here again. He’s an alcoholic and emotionally abusive. If he does come back here again I don’t think I can survive it. That’s what I tried to talk to my family about since it’s my grandmother’s house. I feel like I have no one.
If you do not feel safe whether it be because of your own thoughts or your uncle’s abuse or whatever the reason, please call the police. Tell them what’s going on and they will take care of you.
Making people outside of your bubble aware of what is going on will cause your parents to pay attention. They know they have to take care of you or they will be held accountable.
At this point I don’t care anymore. They’re just nasty people and I can’t really rely on them.I’ll have my own life separate from them one day. For now I’m just going to keep my distance emotionally. If I need to talk or feel seen I can come here I guess. Thank you for listening to me.
I like the resolve I hear in this, I like the power you know you have!!
Emotional management will take you really far, if you don’t let these unsupportive people affect how you see yourself. Build yourself up, and we’ll forever be here to support you and talk through things with you, okay?
I’m so very sorry that you have been eeling like this. You’re not at fault for hurting. And it’s definitely not too much to want your family to freaking ackwnoledge your pain. That’s something we can all legitimately expect from people so close to us and who are supposed to be there. If not during the rough times, then when?
It should be different. It shouldn’t be so hard and so complicated to be heard and to be supported, in this world, in our social circles. There’s something unfair happening there and you know it. However, turning that against yourself, by disappearing, would only be another injustice, and certainly the most heartbreaking one.
I see you. I don’t want you to die. I’ve been present on the Wall for what… 2 years and a half, and I’ve never forgotten the conversations I had here, and what people bravely shared about their life. You’re not just a username. You are a person. You have a life to live. You have wounds to heal. What you share is meaningful. Not unnoticed, not judged, not invalidated or dismissed. So if you can’t have the validation you need with people you share your life with, then rest assured that you have it here. You own it. And I can tell it’s freaking solid. Not going to move or change.
To make matters worse. My uncle has been coming around here again. I’m so terrified that my grandmother will let him stay here again. He’s an alcoholic and emotionally abusive. If he does come back here again I don’t think I can survive it. That’s what I tried to talk to my family about since it’s my grandmother’s house. I feel like I have no one.
You’re not alone. Not anymore at least. I hope these conversations here could help to eease that feeling. I know it too well, and sometimes if not for the connections I have in the HS fam’, I don’t know where I would be.
May I ask how it’s been with your uncle before, when he was still living with you? I’m willing to understand how his behavior has affected you personally. Because this situation sounds indeed very stressful and your concerns are really understandable right now. I’m sorry your family is not willing to hear it though. Once again, it should be totally different.
Thank you for the kind words. My uncle has a house of his own, he lived there with his children and wife. Two years ago he was arrested for domestic abuse against his wife. My mother bailed him out and as part of that he was not allowed to go home. So he came to live with us. I live with my grandmother and mother. It’s my grandmother’s house.
The situation with my uncle and his wife is complicated as they’re both toxic. He is absolutely obsessed with her to the detriment of everyone around him. What ended up happening is the case was dropped but he didn’t go home. He started living here and leaching of us while paying for everything in his house so his wife can live comfortably. He even emptied my trust fund.
He was extremely emotional abusive to everyone here. It was like walking on eggshells. He would constantly tell me how I have no friends because I’m psychotic and I have no communication skills. He would tell me no one would ever want me and my father killed himself because he didn’t want me. Obviously I started to panic when I was near him or heard his voice. I couldn’t come out of my room. It felt like being a prisoner in the house you grew up in. He would take out any frustrations he had with his life on us.
If I ever got upset or sad, my mother would essentially blame me. It’s my fault for letting him get to me or I’m being dramatic. Despite all this my grandmother still acts like he is a victim and we should all feel sorry for him. Since it’s her house I feel like it’s only a matter of time until he comes back here
