Hi I’m new here. I hope I’m doing this right. I have nowhere else to turn. I have no friends and I don’t think my family really cares about me. I just don’t see the point of being alive. I feel so miserable and worthless. Most of all I just feel alone. I just can’t connect with anyone. I think I’m just too boring or annoying.
I know things seem very bad right now and you dont see the point of being alive. I myself struggle with this and other people here too. I just want you to know that you are not the only one that feels the way you do and give you some advise. First of all it is very good that you found the strenght to talk about the way you feel here and the comunity will be here to support you. However i think it would be great if you decided to tell somebody who you trust. If not your familly than your school counselor or your doctor. Second if you think you are in danger of hurting youself please call the suicide hotline. I know things might seem like they will never get better and i sometimes think that way too but there are some people that get better and live good lives. Please dont try to end it all before you tried the alternatives. I know it is hard but please try to reach out. There are people who care.
To be honest I don’t think it’s about only not wanting to be alive, I don’t want to be alive in this house. I feel trapped. My uncle was arrested for domestic violence against his wife. My mother bailed him out and he had to stay with us, my grandmother, my mother and me, until the case was concluded. This was two years ago and he’s still living here. He is an alcoholic and emotionally and verbally abusive towards us. I feel so scared living here with him.
When I try to talk to my mother about it she says there’s nothing she can do because it’s my grandmother’s house, even though she pays for everything. She gets upset with me and says I’m letting him get to me. He says terrible things like I have no friends because I’m psychotic and my father killed himself because he didn’t want me.
Yesterday there was a really bad argument and my mother and threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave. He left and they say they won’t let him back in but the thing is this has happened before. There’s a terrible fight, they threaten to call the police, he leaves and then a few days later he comes back and they feel sorry for him and let him back. Even though he’s not here I feel like it’s only a matter of time. I can already hear them talking about how sorry they feel for him. I feel so free when he’s not here. My life was like this before and it makes me sad because this won’t last. I won’t have money to move out for a while so it just feels hopeless. I’m so tired of feeling like a I’m trapped in my own home.
I am sorry. It is not good to be forced to live with someone who is abusive. I would try to talk to your mother about it. If that does not help then try the school counselor. If you dont want to be in the house try spending more time somewhere else. Go for a walk or try e new hobby. It might help you clear your mind. I know that it is terrible to be afraid to come home but sometimes we must avoid things to protect ourselves. I am sorry that i cant give you more advice but i think you should really talk to somebody you trust about this.
Thanks for the advice I’m not in school anymore but I’ve decided to get a protection order if he does come back. I do have enough evidence. I didn’t want to because it would look bad for him at his work to have a protection order against him. But I’m so tired it all. I won’t feel guilty anymore.
I can’t go for walks around the area because the crime rate has increased recently. Many armed robberies. I do have a hobby, I love to draw and paint. Whenever I feel upset about the situation I would tell myself to go practice something like anatomy. It helps.
I’m glad I found this site and have people that I can talk to and see the situation objectively. I was starting to think I was the problem and it was all in my head. Like I was making things seem worse than they were.
I am glad you are doing better. If you want to share anything or things get worse again this forum is here for you. Nobody will judge you here and you are always welcomed. It is good that you are taking steps to protect yourself. If the person is dangerous and is doing nothing to stop being a danger to the people close to them then it is ok to do take legal steps to protect yourself. You dont have to feel bad about that, they should feel bad about puting you in that position. I am glad that you have a hobby that helps you cope with the situacion you are in. Focus on that when you are feeling down. I hope your situacion will improve soon. I wish you the best of luck.
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