I’m just so tired of going on like this. I finally took the leap to go to a pyschiatrist, and they put me on medication.
Of course the meds gave me such bad side effects that I actually have to detox, and I’ve been out of work for a week because I can’t talk.
I’m tired of being in pain. I’m tired of having panic attacks every day.
I’m just tired of living like this.
I hate to say that it isn’t fair. But it feels so unfair.
Hey there @malleteditor,
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I can’t say I know exactly what you are going through but I have dealt with my share of mental issues. I know it’s not fun.
You’re not alone here.
Please keep pushing through. I believe this won’t last forever. 
Hello,
That sounds like a tough situation. I’m sorry you have to go through all that. I had a similar experience in the hospital with a medication I reacted badly to. It tensed all my muscles to the point where I could barely walk or talk. It scared me so bad, I thought I would be stuck that way. The next medication they put me on actually did help tremendously and I was able to make a recovery from my condition. Try to be patient with the process because it can take some time to find the right medications that work for you. My best friend had a similar experience with her medications too, but they finally found the one that works for her and she says she feels so much better than what she did before. Sometimes it just takes time. Hang in there.
Hey @malleteditor,
I’m so sorry you were experiencing this pain. I hope you’ve been feeling a bit better since you posted this. 
I hear you. It is indeed unfair to make so much efforts for your well being, then have to deal with the effects of a medication that doesn’t suit you.
Despite all of this, you’ve been taking some huge steps by going to the psychiatrist and starting a new medication. You can be proud of yourself for this. Unfortunately, it can take some time before you find the right treatment. I wish your first experience wasn’t like this. But I also want to encourage you to keep hope in your heart and to keep trying. You’ll find the medications that work for you.
Take care of yourself as much as needed in these circumstances.
But also don’t let this experience discourage you. Looking after what’s going to be a pillar of support to you is worth it. YOU are worth it.
This is a journey in itself. We’re in this with you.
If that’s okay, I’d love to hear about how things are going for you.
It’s been a rough go…the side effects are slow to go away.
Thankfully, my family is very supportive of my struggles, and my friends have been as well.
It’s just hard.
Hey @malleteditor, thinking of you. I hope it gets better to you these days. Was also glad to hear that you have supportive people around you. This is so precious.
Hang in there. 
Wasn’t sure if y’all wanted an update.
Things keep getting worse: I still can’t talk, my dad had covid (he recovered thankfully), and my grandpa’s sick.
I have a dog at least…so I’m not completely alone anymore.
But it’s still rough. Doing my best.
Hey @malleteditor,
Thank you so much for the updates. It’s more than welcomed! Though I’m so sorry to hear that things are difficult on your end - even though there is some light in the midst of it, such as your dad recovering from covid, I guess this is a true relief.
This whole situation can be pretty isolating, indeed. Last time you mentioned friends being supportive. Are you still interacting with them?
I’m also really happy to hear about your dog. It’s incredible how much love and stability pets can provide while we are facing stressful events. So glad you have this awesome ally with you!
I hope you manage to find some time for yourself. To rest if needed, and just take care of yourself as much as possible. I also hope that your grandfather’s health will be okay and/or that you’ll have the opportunity to connect with him. This community is here for you as well.
You’re doing your best, indeed. And doing your best is always enough. Hold fast.
I’ve got another update finally.
I went to another doctor who’s pretty sure that all of my health issues are neurogenic reactions to rampant, untreated anxiety and depression.
So my brain chemistry is so screwed up that it messed me up physically, and I’ve been living in a vicisous cycle for months.
The hope is that if they get me on the right meds, that my body will go back to normal.
Then I get to focus on everything else.
Wow, that’s some very important news, @malleteditor. Receiving that kind of diagnosis can be truly life changing. I hope the medications will help your body - and your soul - to rest and heal. It might take some time to find the right meds, but it can be really worth it. Sending positive thougts your way! Hang in there.
I hope the specialist will help you! Stress builds up in our body, and problems arise one after another, especially at such a hard pandemic time. I am sure that you will cope with everything especially with the help of a good specialist! What helped me when I started to feel terrible was that I tried to keep myself busy with things that really make me happy. I watched my favorite series, cooked a lot, started decorating the room. It is very engaging and feels like a meditation. I would also like to recommend a good set for the bedroom. As it turned out, in order not to worry at night and sleep well, you need to choose the right mattress. I also started feeling pain in my body because of stress, so I tried many things to get rid of it: massage, pills, but I started to feel better when I did my hobbies more often, and the level of stress started to decrease.