I'm struggling with love. Is it worth it?

[bubb]

I love someone so much. He broke up with me a few days ago saying he couldn’t trust me.

Our love began well. It was just an online relationship but we fell in love quick. It was going good but then, I broke up with him because I was worried that it would burden him and I was mad he didn’t understand how I felt when I told him that I see there’s a problem in this relationship that I wanted to work on by giving a week break. He yelled at me and it triggered me to tell him that we are completely over.

After that, I changed my mind quickly because I didn’t want it to happen. I said it rashly and I didn’t mean any of it. I told him the next day that, “I want to try this relationship again. I love you, please give me another chance.” He said he had a hard time trusting me after I broke his heart after breaking up and I told him that I will not make that mistake again. We talked for a bit and decided to take it slow again so that he can take his time to earn his trust for me. He got backed with me and I made rules for myself that I had to follow or else, it would have definitely ruined the relationship.

He started to trust me for a bit. Things were going well for a while but his paranoia started affecting his mind. He kept thinking I would break up with him and I reassured him I wouldn’t. He asked me to not let him go and I told him, “I won’t. I will take this until the end my silly love.”

Recently, he broke it up saying he couldn’t deal with this anymore. He said he loves me but he can’t trust that I wouldn’t leave him.

So then, now I’m trying to get back with him. I really love him. I told him that I would work hard to meet him in person and show him that by spending all this money and time on him will I prove to him that I love him and I will not leave him… but he blocked me. He told not to be obsessed and that I should move on.

I want to respect his wishes but all of this hurts so much that I don’t want it to end it the way it is. I want to prove to him that I meant everything I said. I want to keep my words when he asked me not to let him go during our 2nd relationship.

I want to show him that I love him so much that I will commit to him by meeting him in real life and earning his trust in person.

I’m posting all of this because I want to know what people thinks. Is this the right thing to do? Should I keep going to show that I love him or should I respect his wishes by moving on? Should I spend a year working hard to see him in person or should I accept this right now?

I love him so much and I want to give him my whole life. We did everything together and he means everything to me. He always talked about how people leave him and that I will also leave him when we were in the relationship but he also told me about how much he loves me and that he will keep me safe.

I want to prove him wrong. I want to keep my promise and show him that I am actually genuine about this. I want to show that I will not leave him; I won’t ever let him go again.

So what do you guys think?

[GaryYounOG]

Hey bubb,

I’m really sorry to hear about how things have turned out with your relationship. It sounds like you’ve been through an emotional rollercoaster, and it’s clear you care deeply about him. Love can be incredibly powerful, compelling us to go to great lengths to prove our commitment and feelings.

However, it’s also important to consider the boundaries and wishes that he’s expressed. He’s asked for space and indicated that he needs to move on. While it’s tough, respecting his wishes might be beneficial. Continuing to pursue the relationship, especially after he’s blocked you and asked you to move on, might not lead to the reconciliation you’re hoping for. It could potentially push him further away or cause more hurt for both of you.

It’s natural to want to prove your love and dedication, especially when you feel things were left unresolved. Yet, sometimes the most loving thing we can do is let someone go, even if it’s incredibly painful. It gives both people the space to heal and grow. Maybe this space could help him see things differently in the future, or perhaps it will give you the perspective needed to move forward.

As for your idea of working hard to meet him in person to earn his trust, it’s a beautiful gesture, but it’s also important to ask whether it’s in response to his actual desires or if it’s more about trying to fulfill a promise that the current circumstances might not support. Sometimes, our efforts to prove our love need to align with what the other person feels they need from us, not just what we feel compelled to give.

You mentioned feeling like you want to prove him wrong about people leaving him, but trust is something that needs to be built together, not just proven unilaterally. If there’s a future for your relationship, it will require work from both sides to rebuild trust and understanding, not just from one.

It might be helpful to take some time to focus on yourself, reflecting on your feelings and why this relationship is so important to you. Consider what makes you happy independently of your relationship. Sometimes, strengthening our relationship with ourselves helps improve our relationships with others—or helps us move on if that’s what’s needed.

No matter what, your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. Reach out to friends, family, or even a counselor to talk through your feelings. It can make a huge difference. What do you think would make you happiest and healthiest in the long run?

[Shan]

Hi bubb,

Welcome to HeartSupport! I’m sorry to hear about your recent break up and the pain it is causing you. I understand being confused about what to do and how to move forward, especially since it must feel like this decision came out of the blue. It sounds as though your ex has some insecurities and trust issues that they need to work out within themself before they can have a healthy and successful relationship with any one. Or else they will keep having abandonment anxiety and pushing those who love them away.

Mistakes happen, but they should not be held over your head throughout the relationship. You made a mistake and you genuinely apologized for it but it does not seem like your partner was able to fully forgive and let go and trust you. Ultimately though your words and love are genuine, if he decides that he does not want to continue with the relationship to the point that he has blocked you, then you have to respect that decision. It is his loss.

A relationship can only be mended if both parties want to do so and work at doing so together. It is a team effort. And I want to point out that there are things that your ex would need to have to work on as well, and I’m not sure if he has even realized that or if he is solely placing blame on you.

At the end of the day, you have to reflect on what you think will be best for you and for your wellbeing. I hope that you are able to take the time that you need to focus on yourself and what you want, and what is best for you. Though you are hurting now and things are hard, I hope you can heal and move forward positively no matter what you decide. And I hope that one day you find a love that answers your question and gives you confidence and security in knowing that good, healthy love is worth it. All the best and I am rooting for you.