I feel worthless, like im nothing but a waste of peoples time. I’ve really been struggling and i dont know how to reach out to the people around me. I feel as though if i do theyll look at me with disgust or annoyance. Im scared they wont understand and just think im lying. I’ve been dreaming of death for too long, theres a bridge i go past every day and i can barely stop myself from jumping. The only reason i have stayed is because i know ill hurt someone. I know there are people who care but it scares me to think that they will see how i really feel and blame themselves or someone else. I dont know what to do, i feel like a burden, something useless and stupid. Im struggling, i dont want to hurt others but im losing my will. Im really scared and it may sound stupid but it the truth and i dont know what to do.
Definitely not stupid… I really appreciate your bravery in sharing what’s on your chest. And I’m glad that you got it out into the world so that you don’t have to bear that burden alone…
Let’s be clear: you are not a burden. Depression can be a burden, but you are not. You are someone who is clearly loved, and the people who love you WOULD LOVE to hear what’s going on in your world. It is devastating when people take their lives because the people who love them would have loved the opportunity to support them through that season. You’re not crazy for feeling the way you feel, but you also don’t have to deal with it alone.
I have lost a few people to suicide, and one in particular, I feel so angry about because I reached out every day to that person the three days leading to their death, and they refused to open up. I would have loved the opportunity to let them know that I love them, that they matter more than their pain, that there is life beyond this season, and that we can get there together.
You have that opportunity! What a gift! Especially because you were brave enough to share here, I get the chance to encourage you to take that opportunity…to talk to your loved ones, to let them in…and worst case if it goes TERRIBLY, you can always come back here and write about how awful it was! Ha. But seriously, the point is you have options, you have support, and it’s important that you use it. You deserve to surface from this pain a stronger, happier, more whole human being. And we weren’t meant to do that alone. So…don’t
Late reply here, but I really wanted to say to you that there’s absolutely nothing stupid in what you shared here. It can be a real struggle to be vulnerable in front of others by sharing about how we feel, especially if it’s about negative feelings. But you just did it here, and the fact it’s online or by writing doesn’t mean it’s less important. So first of all: thank you for sharing and being here.
Most of what you described is based on different fears: being a burden, make people worried, receive bad reactions or even rejection… But you also already know that people care about you and you matter. That’s positive! I know it can be hard to fight again that kind of thought, but what you’re going through is important. So if we can read you and be here for you, I would also be happy to know you got some support from your relatives. We all need support from others sometmies, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
You are not a burden at all. And I know it can be frightening to talk about how you feel. It’s like jumping into the unknown. So whatever the reactions the people around you can have, I hope that knowing this community will still be here for you anytime can be a way to reassure and encourage you. You don’t have to deal with this alone. Sometimes, in order to ease our fears, it can be helpful to reverse the roles. If a friend was in the same situation, wouldn’t you like them to talk to you so you can give the support they need? They may be worried about your well-being, but it’s all about the love they have for you. Which remains pretty positive when we think about it.
Sending much Love your way.