I'm such a screw up

I literally can’t do anything right. I just broke a Samsung Convoy 3. I broke so many peoples hearts, and I just can’t seem to do one thing right. I really wish my parents hadn’t told me that I was actually the reason they got married, and now I’m the reason for their divorce. Its been 5 years and they still blame me for everything, just because I’m the oldest. Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like without me. Would it be the same, or would it be so much nicer and more accepting? I fucking hate myself. I’m a fat, ugly, piece of shit that deserves to die and deserves to be locked up in a padded room where everyone will forget about me. If I could be without this cruel life, I would be so much happier. I don’t need help, I think I need to die, I need people to see what’s in my head, but I can’t tell them, I can’t show them either. I think I’m gonna do it this week, when, idk, but i need to do it.

I think this is a perfect example that you do need help. We can’t face everything on our own and talking to a licensed therapist may help you sift through all these negative emotions and feel better about yourself. You are an amazing person and you shouldn’t use your parents choices to validate your self hate and insecurities. Their choices were their own and if they can’t grow up and see that then that is not your problem to deal with. Sometimes people don’t know how to deal with their own problems and instead they treat the people they care about in a toxic way, your parents were toxic to each other and now they are being toxic to you. It’s not okay and you shouldn’t force yourself to deal with it.

You are an amazing person, just because they are your parents does not mean they can decide if you have value or anything. You are wonderful and should never let them tell you anything different. Just because you are related to someone does not mean you have to accept their feelings or their presence, know when to walk away from toxic people and call them out when they are being that way. Don’t take your own life just because toxic people make you feel awful. We all love you and care about you

Hey friend,

As someone who’s married, it’s not your fault. Divorce can never be the fault of a child. If a parent blames the child it’s because the parents can’t take ownership for their own problems. If your parents made a decision to get together because they were pregnant, it’s because they were trying to be a good parent to you. If they broke up, it’s because they couldn’t work through their own problems, their own communication issues, their own brokenness…and for them to blame it on you only proves that they’re not able to take ownership for their own shit. It’s literally not your fault. You can’t be the problem in someone’s marriage…why? Because a marriage is about a relationship between the husband and the wife. Not between the husband and the child or the wife and the child or the husband and wife and the child…you’re part of their life, but you’re not part of their relationship. Therefore, you can’t be the reason they broke up, because you’re not part of the relationship. If they can’t handle the stress of being parents, that’s their problem…if they can’t handle communicating through conflict…that’s their problem…it’s literally not your fault. LITERALLY not your fault. It’s just not.

<3 it’s not your fault, friend.