i feel like things are getting worse again. My anxiety makes me feel like I cant breathe. Not like im having a panic attack. Its just a consistant every single day, worst being at night I feel as though I cant take a deep breath you know ? Constantly on edge in that manor, I hope someone out there can relate. Its probably one of the feelings that drives me most crazy and has caused me to go to the hospital before. Ive been having stomach issues lately because of stress. Im depressed. I feel like im so restless at night, I cant sleep. I hung out with a friend today and it didnt make me happy and content like it should have. I got home feeling really overwhelmed like i was gonna have a panic attack and had self harm urges for a bit. Im still not feeling good. A bit better I suppose. But I never see anyone anymore. Im so used to being quarantined. Im so used to living in my house in a bubble and not being in the real world. I cant handle the actual world anymore it feels like. Im scared for school to start again in the fall. And I wish someone in my friend group could see im struggling. Someone in my very very small group of friends I have left. Im sick of being a back burner friend when theres no one else. Im sick of being the person people check up on every once in a while. Dont get me wrong, I got a few people im close with but its just hard. I feel like I can barely trust anyone anymore. I have a very bad mindset right now. sometimes my depression just makes me feel so lost. Like who even am I anymore, psh. How would I know. Its one of the worst feelings. I need support and I need people to care. It sucks.
Dear cs15, I’m truly sorry of what you have and are currently going through. I feel like I can definitely relate to a lot of what you’re feeling. Although I’ve been able to manage my anxiety somewhat with medication, I still have those moments you’re talking about. I’ve also been to the hospital for it; up to 6 times since I was 18 (28 now). I understand what it’s like being with a friend or loved one, but wishing to be anywhere else. Being with them only made me compare my life and myself to them. I see them so successful or with a family and I don’t consider myself remotely close to them nor being like them one day, so I’d just come home feeling emotionally drained. But I’m starting to accept myself for who I am. For example, they haven’t lived what I’ve lived. They don’t know what it’s like to be me every single day- living with both physical and mental health obstacles. It’s just going to take longer for me & just how you feel anxious and scared to start school in the fall, I do about starting a job. I haven’t had one in years due to these very challenges. I’m terrified. So we’re in this together!! I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, NOBODY does, but the parts I do understand I know are not easy, so I commend you for being as strong as you are! I just want you to know that I care. I really do. And I’m waiting to listen should you ever need a friend. You can msg me anytime. Sending lots of love your way 
Thank you so much for your kind response<3 anxiety truly is so difficult and such a challenge. We got this 
No problem …Anxiety is horrible & you’re so much stronger than you know! You’re right, we got this
Oh friend. My heart goes out to you. Indeed, anxiety is far from being just about panic attacks! Like you, for me, it’s more about feeling almost constantly that something is just wrong. I have this pressure on my chest that is often present as soon as I wake up in the morning. It makes me feel deeply vulnerable for no obvious reason, or at least none that I could identify at the moment. It’s just a vague and weird feeling that something is affecting us in a wrong way, but it’s hard to catch it.
It really makes sense that feeling like this makes you feel more easily overwhelmed. Anxiety is an emotional struggle, but it manifests through the body too, which drains a lot of energy. So for people like us who struggle with that on a daily basis, everything requires a little more energy than for someone who isn’t anxious, just because our body is also busy with trying to function while something affects it.
As for depression too, it has this way to make us feel deeply alone and isolated from the rest of the world. I feel for you, friend. I hear you. And I want you to know that many people understand what you are going through, even if it remains invisible or unsaid most of the time. For people close to us, like friends or family, it can be hard to even notice that something is wrong. First because those are not physical injuries, but also because we’re often used to maintain behaviors that hide these struggles. Communication that allows vulnerability doesn’t always feel appropriate.
I know it’s really hard to try to rationalize when we feel differently, when there’s this deep whole in our stomach that makes us feel like something is missing. Still it’s important to try to give ourselves and our loved ones some grace during these moments. More often than not, the people who love us are willing to support us, but many walls can be present and interfere with communication itself, whether it comes for them or from our own beliefs.
I hope you know that you are not alone though. That your fears make sense. That how quarantine has affected you makes sense too. And I want you to know that through all of this, there is still hope. It’s somehow our duty to create it day by day, for our loved ones and for ourselves. For the life we deserve to have. For the light we deserve to embrace. I believe in you and your capacity to get there, one day at a time. Just in your message, you’ve displayed how much you are aware of how depression and anxiety affect you. You acknowledge the truth and manage to separate it from how you feel during these deep moments of vulnerability. These are strengths that you hold, even if it doesn’t feel like this at the moment. I see it right now, I see you. You are stronger than you might think, and none of these struggles will ever define you or your capacity to thrive.
Deep breaths, my friend:
thank you so much for your kind words and the song. i needed to hear that <3 im slightly better now
I love you. That is all I can say.
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