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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to People=Shit by Slipknot
" I’m to fuck to care and fight against" everyday i think like that thats why i dont care anymore.
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The world can be so very hard and cruel, people can be so unkind. It’s not easy to put up a front to deal with the hurt and the heaviness life brings. Some days I also wish I could scream at everyone and everything around me.
I just wanted to validate your feelings and say that you aren’t alone.
@@HeartSupport For me the worst thing is the flashbacks from the past i have a lot of these in this days i try not to think but sometimes is harder not think.
Flashbacks are awful to deal with - I’m sorry you’ve been struggling with this yourself. It’s so hard to find a right balance in your life when it feels like pretty much anything can reactivate a profound type of pain in you that feels utterly paralyzing. It’s as if there is some kind of dark universe existing inside of your mind, and flashbacks are these doors opened to this world without your consent, over and over.
You do what you can and try your best to heal, to live a life that feels good to you, then suddenly it feels like you are pushed back to your past, to places, events and people you wish you could forget. It makes you feel like your efforts amount to nothing, that your progress and personal growth are constantly erased and you have to start all over again each time. That somehow you would be tainted with memories and hurt you never asked for. It’s frustrating, painful, heartbreaking.
To me personally, it took a long time already to understand how emotional flashbacks looked like for me, then to accept it when it happens. It’s like someone else is taking control over my mind and body, as if I was a prisoner of myself while deep inside I crave for the right to live my life, to feel empowered, in control, and safe. It’s not fair when somehow you have no choice but to re-learn how feeling safe means, as it takes so much efforts, energy and sweat every day… my heart goes out to you while you navigate yourself in this type of sea, and try to find your way.
As you said so well, some days are more difficult than others, and I think these are times when we need to be even more kind, compassionate and patients with ourselves. Somehow, there is healing to find in seeing these moments, days, seasons, as opportunities for us to treat our heart with all the love it deserves - and didn’t get before. It’s times when we need to push back the shame we may have for struggling, and any feeling of brokenness. We can try to see in the apparition of flashbacks the very expression of our own humanity - because traumatic experiences are real, and we are not expected to be “over it” quickly. We are allowed to take our time along the way.
Some days you’re going to feel in control and able to acknowledge the beauty around you - you’ll feel on the top of the world. Other days it will feel better to stay in bed, hidden under layers of blankets to keep you safe. Both are an expression of your story, of your humanity, of your needs at a given time, and there is no doubt that both during good and bad days, you are doing what you can to live and survive at the same time. I see you today, I see your efforts, I hear your pain and relate to all the tears you must have shed over time for carrying a pain you never deserved to know. 
@@HeartSupportOur mind can be so tricky sometimes i have 30 years old and the biggest lesson i have so far is the biggest fights we have in life is against ourselfs and our demons you know i was a very good person but i meet the devil inside me and now i struggle to not let out is like that very old fight good vs evil.
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