I’m doing my school work now… but it feels so worthless… I feel like the motivation i have is too out of reach. i dont really think that this will change peoples opinion of me… or even my own opinion of myself. will this really help me make friends? is it enough toi make me see myself as a cute girl? will it really help me take care of my apperence??? i wish it could… because if so I’d def keep going… but its not garenteed so i keep questioning whether`i should keep trying. I’ve been able to do my school work that I didnt do before, and actually started puting effort in school! which I’m very proud of ^^ but i cant help but feel like it was pointless. like if i keep doing this, ill still be seen as a weirdo no matter what. even if i start to take care of my body! it feels worthless to keep going, because no matter what i do, it wont make me a cute girl. thats all i want out if life… i dont care how bad my life would be if i was a cute girl, i would want it anyway. studying wont help me with that dream.maybe I would’ve been smarter if I was born a girl. im so tired… ill get back to my project… bye
<3
We have all at one point of our lives struggled with needing validation or wanted to walk into someone else shoes, the truth is we all possess a uniqueness that no other person has, we all have a purpose, and we are all powerful, so keep going because greatness lies ahead for you.
Hey @C_Urchin!
First of all, you should be very proud of yourself for what you’re doing in school! You should definitely keep trying, because when it comes to school, it’s not limited to what you learn through textbooks or tests or lectures, it’s also experiences that you learn like life lessons. Those are things that you can’t really learn in texts.
I can also definitely see where you’re coming from when it comes to the perception that you give off to others, but first and foremost you want to focus on yourself. Because when it comes to making friends, those friendships will be more valuable and authentic when you’re being yourself. However you want to be, as long as your happy and comfortable, then absolutely go for it!
One phrase that I think about daily is “your vibe attracts your tribe”. So like the more yourself you’re being to you and others, the likelihood that others like you will want to form that bond.
Just remember, nothing at ALL that you’re doing is pointless. The motivation is there, even if you don’t see it. Just you taking the time out and posting this shows how much motivation you have! Keep striving! Don’t be afraid to be a weirdo, because we’re all a little weird to a point. That’s what makes each one of us unique!
Please keep us updated and do not hesitate at all to reach out to us or reply as well <3
You’ve got this!
Hi there!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us! First of all, I want you to know how much you matter and how amazing it is that you’re putting a lot of effort into school. You should be so extremely proud of yourself. I know it can be hard to feel like you are motivated and trying your best at something but wishing for a different situation. Putting effort into yourself and doing the things that make you happy attracts good and positive people into your life who have the same interests and values as you do. I want you to know that I hear you and have felt the same myself. You are a unique and valued person. Don’t forget that!! I hope you continue putting effort into school and come across a new hobby, show, or person that puts a smile on your face <3
Hi @C_Urchin,
Struggling with validation is a real, strong feeling that not only you, but many others have felt too. It is completely understandable to have concerns about how others may perceive you, but never define your worth based on external opinions.
You are so incredibly valid and important just as you are, and your journey is unique to only you! The greatest gift someone can possess is to be themselves, so let your true vibe shine bright. While you may feel uncertain about things now, the best reassurance is to know that the right people will come along and make you flourish even more, all because you were your authentic self!
It is also important to note that what you are doing right now is not pointless, and for the work you have done, I am proud of you! Putting in the effort and keeping yourself motivated will contribute positively to your well-being, and it will be okay.
i cant help but feel like my purpose is smth negitive… since everyone i love, i end up hurting at some point…
also, the wanting to walk in someone else’s shoes is everything i thought of yesterday.it got to the point where it bothered me more then my alergys lol
ty ^^
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i dont really know how to be myself… and being trans makes it so much harder. i also dont like myself. i wish i was someone else… im also losing motivation rn :< but ill keep trying! I’ve never been able to do anything hard… but maybe me doing this will change it. i’ma try my best to keep going :3
<3
I’ma try to study voluntary for the first time! :3
It can for sure. Because there definitely can be elements of gender dysphoria in the beginning stages.
The good thing now compared to years ago is that as people become more comfortable with having conversations about gender identity, there’s more resources that become available to help guide you through the process. Anywhere from mental guidance, to HRT and speech therapy.
Like my friend Molly told me when she transitioned: “Transitioning doesn’t solve your problems, but transitioning makes your problems worth solving”
I deserve a bad life. I hurt people I love. I’m selfish. I rarely do things for other people. I deserve to have the worst life possible. I’m a ugly fuck. I don’t deserve to even eat. I hate myself, and that wont ever change. like it should be.
good people deserve good lives. bad people deserve bad life. or at least I do…
I just fall into the bad person category!
I lie so often too. I lie about things I don’t even gotta,
its pathetic that I even would ever dream of a good life!
I suck. I should give up on trying in school lol. not like I’ma have a future anyway. or one worth living…
@sbrent @djstarion @Malig3 @madsssk
ty for making me feel better ^^ for at least the time being
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i just cant see the point in doing it, but i dont want to lose my progress… i’ve started to hate myself so much more and its been rotting my brain. thats prob a reason i dont want to do it anymore… and it wont make me cute or make me live the life i want to live. i dont want to keep going. i dont see the point anymore. i cant stay on one topic bc my head is racing rn. i’m so tired…im on the verge to giving up… but i know i cant… but whats the point? the 2 of the main things i want in life wont happen if i try in school. the only reaon for me to keep going is so i can improve my will-power. i dont think that will be enough…
Hating yourself surely requires a lot of your energy and attention. It’s exhausting emotionally speaking, if not physically too. It’s understandable that while you are fighting yourself, it feels more difficult to keep up with mundane things of life. Motivation comes and go, and it’s even more difficult to find it when we already feel like we’re in a dark place emotionally. You are struggling, and I hope that in the recognition of your struggles, you can also consider the things you have to do with patience - you deserve to be kind to yourself, even when your mind tries to convince you otherwise.
i dont want to keep going. i dont see the point anymore. i cant stay on one topic bc my head is racing rn.
It’s okay to be tired, friend. It’s okay to say it. It’s okay to rest. Know that none of it would ever make you a failure or guilty of anything. Being human comes with its own lot of struggles and pain. You’re not wrong for being human here.
If I may ask, have you got some time for yourself lately? Outside of school and homework, outside of any other commitment you may have, did you have the possibility to do something you like, to treat yourself well? It could even be just a small thing. What I hear in your post is how much your heart is tired right now - it’s okay to take some time to take care of it and to slow down for a bit.
yup. I do it so much that its actually a problem now. its one of the reasons I’m so lazy. but no matter where I go the thoughts always follow. like when I make story’s, I always think they aren’t good enough or that they r too weird. they always follow me! when I spoke to my gf abt this I thought that my venting was too much for her. they never leave. no matter who is there, no matter what I do that always follow! that’s why I stick to things I enjoy and its hard to let go of them even for a second… I don’t know where else to go…
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the bad thoughts are so tiring. I can focus on school or anything! at all! i’m so tired… I wish I didnt think all these terrible things about me… actually- I do. I deserve them. I feel so numb not even wrighting storys (my coping skills) can help me… it can make me forget it sometimes… but it doesn’t happen that often anymore. maybe I’m just being immpatient and all these thoughts will go away at some point!
I have to wright a story for creative wirghting, but what’s the point if the story will barely bring my grade up. I have a 45% in creative wrighting, the story wont make me pass. I want to make the story but my brain is trying to convince me that I’m hopeless and that everything, is worth nothing.
I feel numb and my brain is all fogged up ;~;
I need help rn. I don’t know what to do…
one of my old friends hates me now… because I led her on (I have a feeling that there is more but I don’t know what else it is) I want to he friends with her again… she’s so nice… but I screwed it up. she was one of the only people who actually wanted to be friends with me… I don’t want her to regret meeting me… tho I regret meeting her… she has struggles and I want to help them go away… but I don’t know how to… it might just be best to avoid her… its been 4 months since the incident happened and I still think about it and shame myself. its painful to think about… I want to make her feel better… but she still hates me… earlier today she was crying because she had to retake a harder version of a test. I don’t know what to do… I don’t want her to hate me anymore and i don’t want to make her uncomfortable… what should I do?
I’m so hated by so many people. i cant… It makes me not want to do anything… what’s the point if everyone will hate me? my love and hope are at the lowest of the low rn… I gotta do smth…
sometimes I wonder what would happen if I went missing… who would miss me? would anyone even care? I hate this… I feel like I’ma pass out…