I’m tired of life. I’m tired of my life. I have depression and I feel like a burden to everyone even though they say I’m not.
I feel like I have no purpose. I… I’m trying to get the negative intrusive thoughts out of my head.
Those thoughts I hate them. I try to busy myself with work or watching good movies or doing my hobbies. But the feeling never goes away. It’s always there.
When my depression gets the better of me, I don’t mask my face to seem that I look okay.
I seriously don’t like my life. I’m always depressed, some days are better than others.
Honestly, if I didn’t have anyone, I wouldn’t be alive.
I can’t seem to find a purpose in my life. I honestly, don’t want to live. But I stay for the sake of friends and family that loves me.
Speaking of family. My mom really does not understand depression.
She does not understand why I can’t snap out of it.
She doesn’t understand why I don’t get help and kick my own ass.
She told me “if you want to kill yourself, go ahead” like why talk to me like that when she knows I’m down. When she knows I have depression. She knows I’m partially suicidal.
I know I’m a burden but come on, why say that to your own daughter.
She makes the decision to keep repeating herself when I have a pattern, about why I don’t do this, why I do that nag nag.
She hates that I have a depressive pattern.
She tells me smoking weed is part of the problem. (Maybe is, idk) and the way I eat (that i know).
But I can’t help to feel worthless and ignored. I hate how my mom does that. She doesn’t want to understand. She chooses not too understand. “Me too, I have down days” yeah normal down days. She doesn’t have depression. I try to make her understand but no matter how loud or how precise I am. She just doesn’t want to understand.
In a way she is a stick up my ass.
She will always say and do that whenever I have another depressive episode…
We already had a huge argument about it but it didn’t help.