My moms friend asked if i could go out with her son to prom. I accepted (i’ve never been in a relationship before). And so she made plans for me to meet him and i was excited. But when i did he kinda seemed to have mental problems… And i panicked because i’ve never been in a situation like that so the whole night i felt so awkward and alone because she never mentioned he had mental problems. And when my mom and dad picked me up from the “date” I told them how uncomfortable i was. And at first my mom was trying to console me while my dad was just could not understand how i felt. And then ten minutes later in the car my mom and dad just all of a start making it seem like i’m such a bad person and how i’m selfish and egotistc and how dare you insult someone with mental problems. And i’m just like wth? So eventually we all started screaming. And i’m just in shock because they all of a sudden turned against me my own parents! They were screaming suck hateful stuff to me like i could not believe it! Then the next day my mom “apologized” about it but it wasn’t sincere. Anyways i just feel like they really don’t care about my feelings .
Hi Lovely,
welcome to Heart Support, thank you for reaching out to us.
this sounds really difficult. how do you feel and how are you really about it ? what emotions would you describe
now ? you are not alone in this. is it egoistic and selfish to protect your soul and heart ? your own mental health ? no, never !
it is a weird situation to date someone, who you are not knowing anything of. so when you have your own package
to carry, you meet someone with a “hidden” package that sounds like the beginning of a great book.
you are definetily not a bad person, or selfish. when you feel uncomfortable, you need to protect yourself. you
matter most ! you are most important.
what has been said in the car, might be because of all the emotions that you all had in those moments, so some time to reflect on that is needed, and maybe you could sit together with your parents and talk that out.
share your feelings, and what you felt in that moments. take care friend.
you are loved , and you matter most
It sounds like your parents were being defensive by being offensive toward you. If that’s the case, the defensiveness may have been an attempt to not feel guilty for not having protected you from a potentially bad situation with this boy. To complicate matters, it was the son of your mom’s friend. That puts your mom in an uncomfortable place because if she accepted that this boy had problems and shouldn’t have been dating, she’d probably feel obliged to confront his mom/her friend about it. Your mom probably didn’t make a conscious choice to blame you for this kid’s weird behavior. I think it was more of a reflexive thing. A reluctant apology may not sound sincere, even when it really is. If she really didn’t care about your feelings, why would she apologize at all?
Maybe your mom didn’t know about the mental health issues and, as stated above, was being defensive. Or maybe she didn’t think it mattered. Maybe she knew about the mental health issues and is so used to it that she didn’t even think of telling you. Maybe she was afraid you would have this reaction just by knowing the person had the issues.
I agree that your feelings on the matter should have been considered. It’s hard to expect “normal” and get mental health issues. I don’t know what I would have done in your situation and I can’t imagine how I would feel in this situation. The least they could have done was inform you ahead of time. I don’t know what was said between you and your parents. I don’t know when you all fought but once everyone has settled down a bit, maybe you can try to talk about it again and understand their reasoning better. If it’s not about the mental health issues for you and more about the shock of finding out about them in that moment, or even a million other things, you can explain that to your parents. Giving it time might help give all of you a more level head so you can talk about it instead of screaming about it.
I think also maybe this could be a good time to reflect on how the situation could have been handled by you personally. (Specifically, the date.) Sometimes situations like this can help make us think about things and how we can deal with them in the future. It sucks in the moment to have been shocked like that and I realize that it can make it hard to say yes to a blind date in the future, but it’s also a good opportunity to think about what happened and how you can react differently the next time something “negative” happens. The thing is, the person could have been “normal” and still not interesting to you or said something strange and it would still have been awkward. I’m not trying to downplay how you feel because you should have been informed. I’m just suggesting that maybe you can get something out this situation.
Also I need to add, people with mental health issues also need love. People with mental health issues tend to have a harder time finding friends and people who love them because their issues are misunderstood. Love is something that everyone needs and deserves to have on a basic human level. I’m assuming you haven’t gone to the prom yet. If you haven’t, are you still going with him? Can you find out what his issues are and find out how to make things more interesting and less awkward? If you’re willing to put in the work, you can make it work. I believe in you.
You do not have to answer these questions here. They’re just things to think about. Also, please don’t take anything that I said as a negative towards you. You deserved to know and it is a hard situation to be in.
I hope you feel better about the situation soon and can talk about it better with your parents.
