As I said in my other post all my life I have delt with health issues and issues with my brother. I would like to go into deeper details well becuase I need to get it off my chest. When I was born i was a still born. The doctor said i wouldnt live very long. That started the health problems. O was diagnosed with your typical asthma and exsma. But both of those would hospitalize me monthly… when I was 6 or 7 I was held down by my brother and raped by his “friend”. This was the first time he ever lashed out towards me. During my teens I had multialbe surgeries including brain sugery and have flat lined during them. Also during my teen was the worst time for me with my brother and health with school I would go to school get bullied come home to more abused. I would be choked out or thrown thru a wall it was the worst. To fast forward from that time to now I have self harmed in serval different ways . Their was a period of time just recently I was completely healthy I had a job I didnt have to talk to my brother and about a year ago it came crashing down. Doctors are unsure what’s wrong with me other than they dont want me to work. Disability office is giving me every run around they can. And I recently confirmed I have PTSD and my brother reentered my life . I struggling to not self harm. I have pushed alot of friends away becuase I’m scared I will hurt them with words becuase I’m sad or I just dont know how to act in the moment.i have lost friends becuase of this thru the years too. I really just want to go back to that period of time where I was ok just ok I dont have to be perfect ok sounds nice.just slot is happening all at once and I dont know how to handle myself when I start panicing. I feel like the past is creeping back.
Dude this is so brutal…I can imagine why you’re in a dark place…to have a past of sexual abuse and have your abuser come back into your life…to have a history of health issues and having people invalidate the struggles you face…to have this negative habit of self-harm looming over your head and spiraling you into shame…to feel like your life was going well, FINALLY, and now to have all of that crash down feels like so impossible to overcome the obstacles AGAIN…to rise and fight and try to mount this insane obstacle…I’m sorry you’re facing all of this friend. I’m glad you shared here so that at least for a moment you don’t have to be facing it all alone.
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