So it’s been a minute since I posted here. I hope everybody’s doing well!
So my ex fiancé and I. I went by the old apartment and gathered up all of her things and loaded em into my car. Turned in the key to the old apartment so that’s officially not my problem anymore. And I’m supposed to go meet with my ex tomorrow for her to get her things.
How am I doin? Well, I’m not sober. I’m back to smoking my weed with regularity. Usually only two sessions in a day but a fair amount of weed each time. Being not sober, while defeating in the grand scheme of things, it’s definitely helped me cope. Put some distance between me and the absolute suffocating grief I’ve been experiencing.
I’m in my new apartment, my cousin who I’ve known my whole life is my roommate, and we’re slowly piecing things together. Stella, my ESA, a beautiful black and white pitbull, is there too and I’m so grateful for that. She’s my rock.
I still miss my ex, though…and I figure that’s natural. We were engaged, we were really close, and in all honesty, this relationship was my first real experience with ‘love,’ rather than just infatuation. So it’s gonna hurt like a mother fucker.
I find that I’m thinking a little more positively about my future. Just the thought that my best future is waiting for me, that’s kept my spirits up a bit.
I’m so anxious about going to bring my ex her things tomorrow. And for what…? I don’t really know what I’m afraid of happening, I just know I’m scared.
This time has been the most challenging chapter of my life so far, and I feel like I’m treading thin ice right now. Not quite drowning anymore, but one wrong step, and back under I go.