In all honesty

I thought i was strong enough to keep fighting through this hard journey called life. In this process im losing myself, whatever I used to be.
I cant explain this burden and pain i carry its such an open wound that seems like it would never heal.

I have dreams i never thought of in the middle of the night, and i just cant feel anything and having suicidal dreams. Im so numb that even some of the words that people use at work dont even phase me anymore.

Ive been down here before a few years ago and i even went to the hospital, sadly i didnt get the help i needed i had to play it off to get out. I knew it wasnt working.

At this point this is the darkest place i have ever been. And im losing. And im sitting here thinking ya know how long can i endure through this and what will put me over the edge. I always hope to see maybe something good would happen in the future. And im here and nothings changed.

Idk what i can do anymore.

I feel alone, defeated, dead inside. Ive been alone for over 4 years. I had nobody to help me through difficult times and i think ive gotten by just off of shear luck. I just dont want to be alone anymore… i dont have anything to look forward to

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I know it’s not the same as a physical presence, but you’re not alone here. I wish I could hang with you for a while. We can talk in Discord if you want.

It sounds like you have become numb because your mind would rather not suffer, but numbness is also a form of suffering.

You need more than words. It sounds like you’re chronically depressed. Being in that state of mind around others, makes them uncomfortable, so you’re left alone. Being alone increases the depression.

I don’t know where you’ve been or what you’ve tried, but even if you can’t see a way forward, one does exist.

Are you working with a doctor or therapist? Going to the hospital is a good way to avert a crisis, but it can’t provide long-term support. Therefore, if the hospital visit was as far as you got, you’re right. You didn’t get the support you needed.

That’s the point at which one can ask, “what can I do differently?” “What have I got to lose, if I seek help?”

You’re far, far stronger than you think you are! If a friend was drowning, you’d drop everything and swim a mile if you had to in order to help him. Depression makes you forget your strength, but it’s still there.

The potential for that to occur is very real. Such opportunities are usually not seen when depressed. We see what we expect to, and if you’re expecting sucky circumstances, in all probability, that’s what you’ll see.

I’ve been on Wellbutrin for 20+ years. I’m pretty sure depression is built into my DNA, as it was in my Dad’s. Maybe it’s the same for you. Our DNA is evolved to live in an uncomplicated hunter-gatherer society. That’s why living as we do is difficult for so many of us.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help and keep asking until something works for you.

Please take care of yourself, and keep talking to us if it helps. You deserve to have a life with rewards. It really can happen for you.

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Hi GoldenNuggs,
life is hard, we can all agree on that. but also life is beautiful, it can beautiful if you want it to be.
i can relate to this a lot. to come out of this is also hard, but you can do this, you are strong, look
where you are and what lies behind you.
For right now, try to imagine yourself on the bottom of stairs, you can’t go down, from now on
progress is progress forward, when you do little steps, it gets better, there will be no failure, only learning.
See the beauty in little things, enjoy this, sun, nature, air that you breathe, animals, read a book, hear music.

Considering a therapist oder a group for self help can be something. It helps a lot. There you will see that
you are not alone with struggles and how to deal with, listening helps also a lot like talking and reaching
out with your worries.
Thank you very much for sharing my friend and feel hugged,
you deserve good, you are worth it and we care for you, anytime. If you need someone, let us, let me know.
Reaching out is your first step, you did before. I am proud of you.
Greeting and have a wonderful day

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Id take you up in that offer to talk in discord i actually just found it messing around through the forum.

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From: Who.is

I’m really sorry this is something you’re going through. I imagine that you’re feeling a bit tired of it and drained from it. I wish I had the answers to make it all right for you, I can instead offer you the knowledge that you’re not alone and that you are cared for. I hope that you find some peace from the nightmares tonight and that you have a chance to sit down and talk to someone close who can help lift that burden.

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for posting and I would like to start by letting you know that you are not alone by anymeans, I understand that you are talking about a rl partner but I still want you to know that you will always have support, love and understanding here with us whenever you need it. Life is indeed very hard sometimes and it is clear that you are struggling a lot, with regards to your dreams, I wonder if its becasue of what is going on in your head during the day and maybe doing some type of relaxation for 15-30 mins before going to sleep may help to clear your mind a little to aid in a better sleep (it is worth a try) I have no magic ideas on how to make life wonderful but I do have words of comfort and shoulders to lean on to support people that want it. You are doing all you can to keep yourself together, i am glad you have chosen to reach out and ask for help. Please dont stop doing that. Much Love Lisa. x

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Hey Nuggs,

You have taken a huge step: you posted on this forum. This is an amazing tool to use and allows you to have people to support you through tough moments in life. Life can be overwhelming, but remember to create moments of peace and time to refocus.

You are strong. You are valid. You are enough. You matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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From: Dr :ghost:OoOoOoo​:ghost:garth

Hi GoldenNuggs42,

Reading your post was painful to me my friend and I want you to know that I feel what you’ve said after starting to recover from a deep depression myself. More then anything, I want you to know that you’re not alone and although we all may be scattered across the planet, we care and I care about what happens to you.

You’re trying so hard to keep going and that requires so much strength, but despite everything, you are still trying. That’s amazing.

Please keep talking to us; if you haven’t got the option of therapy or the doctor’s, connecting with people about where you are in your head is so important; even if it’s just to remind you that people in this world care. I would urge you though to keep looking for options for help, even if that’s just your GP or a charity phone line.

Things can change, but sometimes it can take time. I want you to have things to look forward to and be in a state of mind where you can look forward to them. You deserve that so much.

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