I thought i was strong enough to keep fighting through this hard journey called life. In this process im losing myself, whatever I used to be.
I cant explain this burden and pain i carry its such an open wound that seems like it would never heal.
I have dreams i never thought of in the middle of the night, and i just cant feel anything and having suicidal dreams. Im so numb that even some of the words that people use at work dont even phase me anymore.
Ive been down here before a few years ago and i even went to the hospital, sadly i didnt get the help i needed i had to play it off to get out. I knew it wasnt working.
At this point this is the darkest place i have ever been. And im losing. And im sitting here thinking ya know how long can i endure through this and what will put me over the edge. I always hope to see maybe something good would happen in the future. And im here and nothings changed.
Idk what i can do anymore.
I feel alone, defeated, dead inside. Ive been alone for over 4 years. I had nobody to help me through difficult times and i think ive gotten by just off of shear luck. I just dont want to be alone anymore… i dont have anything to look forward to