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Belongs to: Therapist grieves with Slipknot - XIX
In my experience no good comes from talking about it. Best to keep locked in a cellar. Noone cares waste of time
i find that interesting. Personally I have experienced the opposite. I have met many people who have though been in your same situation. When I tell them you are welcomed to open up with me they do. Its like a weight is lifted. Do not suppress the pain you have. You should heal my friend. Hold Fast.
HeartSupport
Morgan (Video Editor)
Mrmr5565 I agree. I’m not I am not into talking about touchy-feeling bullshit.
There is absolutely no doubt that you’ve had your share of painful experiences when it comes to opening up, and I’m truly sorry that this has been the case for you. Too many times sharing how we feel lead to unpleasant - if not completely hurtful - interactions that add even more pain onto the one we’re already feeling. It’s like having a dagger being planted right into your heart while you have absolutely no way to protect yourself. You’re out there, brave with your own vulnerability as you remove layers of protections in order to connect with someone… and they don’t meet you where you are. Either they stigmatize, judge, ignore or dismiss what you say - but no matter how they express it, it hurts like hell.
I have myself experienced quite a good amount of times of trying to reach out especially when I felt desperate, which was each time an exhausting step to take. But to only to be met with ignorance and invalidation hurt so much. I recall this time I opened up to a doctor about my eating disorders, and in our 10 minutes of interaction she showed me how much she didn’t understood me and didn’t understand any of the shame/fear/disgust I was feeling for myself. I thought after this that I would just never talk about it anymore and never try again to speak out. If it required so much efforts only to feel like being spit on the face… then what was the point?
It makes sense to give up on this possibility and to simply stop trying when you’ve been hurt or disappointed. It makes think to start believing that others just don’t care or don’t understand you when they don’t meet you where you are while it feels like you’re burning alive already. Exposing our vulnerable sides come with such heavy outcomes that it has to be honored and respected as such. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to listen or use their empathy - that’s true. Not everyone will be capable of meeting you where you are when you share what’s on your heart - because of their own stories, struggles, boundaries… there’s so much at play.
Despite all of this, I really wish to encourage you to not lose faith in the fact that it is worth it to keep trying to reach out. Not because of others or because it’s a nice thing to say, but because this is about you. And you my friend - what you go through, how you feel - deserves to be heard. If there are times you feel alone in your struggles and wished someone could be by your side, even if it was just by listening, then it should happen. You deserve to feel seen no matter which struggle you are fighting. Your life and your voice have too much value to be conditioned by the people who were not equipped to hear you before or didn’t show the care you needed at the time. Your voice is so much more worthy than any hurtful thing that others may have said to you - or didn’t say, as sometimes silences and ignorance hurt as much.
It took me personally a lot of trials and errors, and to start separating others reactions from my needs. which definitely felt discouraging at times. Someone may react in a poor way, someone may not be able to listen, but my needs are always valid and being helped during times of struggles is always worth to keep trying. If anything, rest assured that right here at Heartsupport, or on our anonymous forum (forum.heartsupport.com), you wouldn’t be met with judgment, rejection or dismissal. On the contrary. There are people out there who care about others and understand how it feels to have a hard time finding our way and the right people in this world.
Trust isn’t a given - and it shouldn’t be. I hope though that you will keep trying and following on this path towards healthy connections if you feel the need for it in the future. It’s okay to protect yourself, it’s okay to be combative with this idea, it’s okay to feel unsafe when we try to extend our boundaries. The right people will stand with you no matter how much you would say, for they know that vulnerability has to be honored for its uniqueness and beauty, for it reflects the courage of the person speaking out - and certainly not to be judged, rushed or ignored.
Hold Fast, friend. I believe in you.
-Micro