I wish my wife (GF at the time) hadn’t cheated. She did it with the EX she had just broke up with and then later on a missions trip with someone else. These demons haunt me and don’t let me go. I have forgiven this past and decided to be more like Christ and love her despite the mistakes… however, every time it comes up it puts me in my head. (The most dangerous place to be for me…) I’m seeing a therapist and I’m on anti-depressants… but I feel that this crap is stronger at times and well here I am.
Has anyone else felt like this or dealt with something similar? If so, how do you manage it? Is it common to enter this state of mind at times?
I just don’t understand why I had to be put through that pain/hurt and now 8 years later deal with it ever so often. I don’t understand why someone who treated the other with nothing but love and respect would be put through such betrayal. I love my wife and have talked to her about this before…but after 8 years, I am tired of having the same conversation everytime these demons decide to haunt me with this. It doesn’t help to talk to her about it as she will not give me a logical answer as to why these things happened other than the following: “I was afraid of the relationship I had with you as it was so different than all before…”; “I don’t remember why I decided to go down those paths and hurt you like that…”
As you can see its not helpful and after 8 years I’m tired of it and its wearing my thin. I want out! But in my beliefs there is only two ways: Someone commits adultery or at death we part. I will never flirt with another woman and commit adultery… But I do tend to flirt with sucide ideation as my way out. Please know I don’t have such plans but ideas of going out like Chester Bennington do cross my head…especially when I am in this place. Anyways this is all I will say for now. I don’t see any point in discussing it further. Sorry to waste your time if you read this. I thought it would help. Good night.