Past a couple of days, I have dealing with a lot intense anger. Because my solo project never going anywhere, hearing my friends comments saying my band is not going get anywhere. Remembering every word when show criticizie me about being not a good musician, not knowing what doing, wasting my time, just every word fuel my anger.
Aa walk park today, I just snap at my bandmates, or just beat the living fucking shit out of them. Just go to a show, just fight with people and physically assaulted them. Sipping in face of friend that just fuel my anger. Or just worst stuff that I can’t post on here.
Dealing not doing shows for my solo project or just getting the credit I want it. My ego is broken by past of being bully by my bandmates.
Also recently my co worker made comments that I’m weak, that don’t have muscle. Not feeling I’m not doing good at learning boxing. Just I can’t never defend myself. Always being a door mate.
This anger put me into very dark place, where I think about killing people, I so hurt by the world that want to hurt people back harder. I could one those that end on the news and have them remember my name.
I’m sorry sharing this, I just have these dark intense emotions. It worry I’m meant to be this person.
I want make this clear ( I do not plan act on these thoughts) but it in my head and really scare me.
When you are having those intrusive thoughts get something really cold like an ice and hold onto it or jump in the shower and put it on cold. This will shock your body and those thoughts will go away.
I have those thoughts too, but I can easily dismiss them. I see it’s very hard for you to do that, but it really, really helps to shock your body with something really cold.
@Metalskater1990 First off I am sorry you are struggling with these thoughts even if they are just thoughts it is super rough on you to feel this way all the time. Can I ask what you do in the moments you get these feelings and thoughts? Like do you just try and ignore it or do you do something to get that emotion out. Something I have found for myself is that when I feel worse about something or thoughts of something and than ignore that feeling it becomes worse and worse over time. So perhaps find an activity that you can do that is safe for example exercising take a walk or go for a jog. Something that uses that emotions of anger but in a good safe way. You arent defined by these thoughts by any means you state that you dont act on them but even than you really need to find away to relieve that emotion as pent up emotion of any kind can and will cause these to be worse on you. I dont really have the same type of emotions but like I get it in a different way. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.