I’m feeling trap in my boring unfulfilled life, cleaning toilets, swing floors and just waiting to go to work. Trap living with my parents, not having a girlfriend and bring in same state. I dream bring like my sister traveling to different states and being able to to airport by myself. It sucks my anxiety and my being autistic I can’t do things on my own , I have relay on my parents or family. I feel I can’t explode or self harm, cause I can’t take this intense emotions. I feel lame unfuckable whitr guy that trap in bleak meanless existence.
Im scare about having a new friendship with this person. She really cool skater and listen same taste of music. Also we go cool restaurants and she seem down to earth. However, she has a boyfriend and start having romantic feelings. But she been having issues with him and it seem kinda rocky. I would never want them break up, but part of me would think well if does not work out for them, that could work for me. In addition, I kinda feel shitty thinking this way. Also I’m ready stressing that she going abandon me as a friend and would stuck being by myself again. Then would relapse into self harm. Or kill myself .I hate having these thoughts