Everything feels like too much. Im scared of myself and what I could do. I just feel like acting out and letting all of my intrusive thoughts win. All of them. It actually hurts to keep them inside as just thoughts when the earge of pure destruction is greater than my will to live. I want to feel better one day. I want to feel sane again.
I’m sorry your intrusive thoughts are making you feel like you want to act out. Sometimes, they can get pretty intense and loud, I know. You start thinking if those thoughts are really you and “what if I’m capable of doing those horrible things of pure destruction” and you can get in pretty deep into those thoughts. You start to question your sanity. Yes, I have to deal with this too.
One thing to remember is that everyone one has intrusive thoughts. We have thousands of thoughts every day and some of them aren’t true. We just believe them because they are coming from our own mind and why would our own mind lie to us, right?
I learned thru therapy that I have a choice to believe or not believe those intrusive thoughts. Yes, that sounds easier than it really is, but there are ways to learn how to dismiss these thoughts and I would like to share this video with you. It really helped me to see that the horrible intrusive thoughts I have are just lies and that I have power over them. I hope it helps you too. You matter!
Thank your words and for the video
Hi, BR. Thank you for sharing here.
That sounds so, so difficult to endure.
Have you tried taking those thoughts and writing them out? Sometimes, thoughts float around until we give them form - and putting them on paper can satisfy that safely.
Please feel no pressure if this does not resonate with you, but I have found that it has helped me at times.
Rooting for you!
It can be so hard to drown out the noise of those thoughts. Sometimes we have to acknowledge that they are automatic and they are just thoughts.
There’s a hard situation where the more you try not to think about it, the more we often think about it.
There’s a really good video, I know mystrose shared one, but I thought it really good
I’m glad you’re here and sharing. I guess trying to keep all those thoughts in your head and not talk about them can start to get very overwhelming.
Externalising thoughts kind of feels like you can use that outsized power when it exits your mind. Some people journal, some people speak it out loud, some people visualise it as a passing cloud, some people use art, and some people even exercise or dance it out!
Thank you for posting, I think we can all agree that Intrusive thoughts suck big time and they are so hard if not impossible to control. I myself find just keeping my mind busy when they start, so ill put music on or a tv show, call someone, ill do anything so that im not just thinking. Another thing you could do is write those thoughts down, you could write them in a place like this or privately in a journal. Have a go with that, see how you get on. I would love to know how its going. Take care Lisa x
thank you for being here and your willingness to be open about what you’re going through. i’m thankful for this opportunity to connect with you and send support your way. i want to echo what mystrose shared above, she’s amazing and so wise! i also want to say that intrusive thoughts suck, i totally understand how scared and tired you may feel. you wrote that it hurts to keep your intrusive thoughts and urge to destroy inside - have you tried different outlets for these feelings? to name a few, you could try Rage Rooms (they give you a hammer and a bunch of breakable objects to smash) if they’re local to you, art, music (creating or screaming to the lyrics), exercise, and writing out your thoughts and putting those papers in a fire to watch your thoughts burn away. these thoughts and urges may feel suffocating to keep all bottled up inside so i hope these suggestions could help you find new avenues for release. you’ll be in my thoughts as you continue in your journey, i believe in you to take the necessary steps forward to care for your heart.
Hi there @BeautifulRemains,
Thank you for sharing this with us. These thoughts sound so tough and I’d imagine that the intrusive thoughts can turn into such challenging “thought spirals”. I hope that you’re able to find ways to (positively) vent these emotions, such as writing down the thoughts (and potentially tearing the paper up) or otherwise safely releasing the pressure that these put on you.
I’m wishing you all the best and also hope these get better with some time.
I just want to echo what most of my friends have already mentioned in their replies. One small thing I would like to add is the power of reflection when reading on what you have written down. I know from personal experience that I have gone down a rabbit trail in my thoughts to where they did not connect at all with how the first thought began. When we choose to reflected on our thoughts through written form, we can have some personal accountability…which can be super helpful. If you are anything like me, having it written through electronic means is better than having it on actual paper because I tend to lose things like that or at least misplace them when I need them most. You got this! I believe in you.
You are valid. You are powerful. You are enough. You matter!!