It’s me again… I wrote on YT that things seem to get worse every day and even though I try not to break, I’m getting more and more ideas of how to stop hurting, the problem is that these ideas are mostly about ending my life.
To be honest, my kids are the ones who stop me from being more stupid, but at the same time I can’t help to think they might be better off without me both financially and emotionally.
I’ve been in and out of depression for almost 30 years now, but this is the second time I’m going through real crisis.
The first time was a little over 21 years ago, when I learned I was to become a father for the first time of my now 21 year daughter. The experience was shocking enough since she was not planned and her mom and I had just ended a 3 years relationship. However I told her that I would always be present for our child and do my best as a parent and of course I would financially support our daughter. In spite of that and even when I never failed to provide, as soon as her mom knew I was getting married 5 years later she sued me for child support, knowing the law in my country totally favors women and on top of that, corruption among judges is just ridiculous, so she left me nearly bankrupted for the first time.
Unfortunately problems did not end there. As my daughter grew up, her mom started poisoning her against me and eventually issues were so huge, that my now exwife couldn’t take it any more so she divorced me after 6 years.
3 years went by in apparent peace and then I met my wife, who is the mother of my two sons and as you can imagine, mom and daughter came back at it. In 2018 my daughter dropped out of highschool barely 3 weeks in so her mom and I agreed that there would not be any inflationary adjustment to child support as long as our daughter didn’t go back to studying… AND THIS IS WHERE I F’D-UP: I did not present/informed judges of this agreement.
In 2020 my wife got pregnant from our first kid and as soon as my daughter’s mom learned about it, she sued me again demanding the child support inflationary adjustments which in my country meant over 20% per year so between covid restrictions and this new lawsuit we found ourselves in a lot of trouble. We have a small grocery store, which by itself could allow us to have enough but… right now we’re not drowning, we’re already drowned in debt, lost our home, had to sell the car, even my mom sold her car just to help us get by a couple of months and now my wife just told me today she’s no longer willing to stand by me.
I tried getting a long term loan to ease my monthly obligations, but with all that happened in the last 4 years, there’s no institution willing to help, my family turned their back on us to the point they don’t even buy our products, even though we’re just a few yards away from their home
I also thought about swallowing my pride and start a “go fund me” campaign, but I couldn’t do it because they don’t work in my country and even if they did, I don’t know enough people that might have the resources.
I have money saved for my retirement, somewhere around the equivalent to 15k dollars which could be sufficient to pay almost all our debt, but according to our laws, we can’t touch them before I’m 65 or dead. I also wanted to sell our store, but the landowner where we have it, already told me she won’t accept ay other than us.
I really can’t see another solution than ending my life thus allowing my wife get the money so she can do better for my kids.
