idk what’s going on and i feel like i’m attention seeking for this, but i was wondering if it is still considered relapse if there is no blood. it was just a mechanical pencil and there’s nothing there but scratches so that nobody notices. things are getting so hard and i don’t wanna die but i don’t wanna be here. idk if that’s confusing or not.
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That depends on your definition of “relapse.” Has an alcoholic relapsed if they swish some whiskey in their mouth and spit it out? Maybe they didn’t drink it, maybe they didn’t get drunk, but they were intentionally flirting with that line, and it would have been so easy to cross. For the sake of positivity, let’s say you’re on the verge of relapse, and you’re reaching out here because you know you don’t want to go down that road again.
Hey @b_r2004,
Your question is absolutely valid - I don’t see any attention seeking here. As you’re on your way for recovery, it’s not always easy to establish this line between what would or wouldn’t be a relapse. It really depends on what you aim for and where you are in your own journey. For you, would a relapse be about the intention or the result? It doesn’t have to be opposed by the way. You can see those as different steps to reach progressively. Though it’s good that you didn’t hurt yourself deeper. You don’t deserve any pain. But I also hear and understand that the emotions that come with it are there anyway.
I don’t know anything about your own journey regarding self-harm, but in case you didn’t know, HeartSupport has a workbook that might be helpful, called ReWrite - you can get more informations here: https://heartsupport.com/resources/ and https://forum.heartsupport.com/tags/c/growth/61/rewrite
Stay safe friend. And if you ever need to talk about it, feel always free to do it here. There’s no question to be ashamed of. Your experience matters. You matter. 
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