I would like this thread to stay as unbiased as possible. In other words, please tell me if I’m wrong or overreacting, and I’ll be putting my girlfriend in a fair light without overdramatizing what happened.
We’ve been dating for about 4 months now. Last month, I thought I could’ve seen myself marrying her someday. Now, we’ve on the verge of breaking up. The trigger?
She’s naturally very critical of how I dress. Last Saturday, she took it to a whole new level. She asked me if I was depressed. I wasn’t depressed, and I asked her why. She said it looked like I just rolled out of bed. For the record, I was wearing Vans shoes, Adidas sports sweats, a sweatshirt, and a beanie (it was 45 degrees outside). I stood up for myself and verbalized that I disagreed with her. This led her on a rampage of ripping apart the rest of my wardrobe and what I usually wear, with her saying the following:
(Disclaimer: In my opinion there is NOTHING wrong with looking one way or the other, I’m merely passing along what my girlfriend told me yesterday.)
Pea coat: Gay, don’t wear it.
Scarves: Gay, don’t wear them.
Skinny jeans: Gay, don’t wear them.
Styling my hair: Gay, don’t do that.
Vans Shoes: I’m not a 15-year-old skateboarder anymore (I’m 31).
Beard scruff: Depressed and not taking care of myself.
Sweats and sweatshirt (in public): Depressed and not taking care of myself.
Beanie (which causes oily hair): Depressed and not showering.
Acne: Depressed and not washing my skin.
And she continued to tell me she thought I was a closeted homosexual. Not just because of how I dress, but I do admit, I am more charismatic and animated than the average “bro” guy. I’m not gay and don’t have a gay atom in my body (but even if I was gay, who cares?). She said it’s a deeply rooted fear that she’ll marry someone, have kids with them, and then he comes out as gay and divorces her (this happened to one of her family friends when she was young, so I understand her trauma). What I HIGHLY disagree with is her projecting that trauma onto me.
On top of that, I have past family trauma. They all live in different states, but she’s taking the family trauma onto her shoulders, assuming that I’m bottling up feelings and will one day explode. (I won’t; I’ve been through years of counseling and have resolved my past family trauma, but she won’t listen).
That lead to a text to me this morning, reading, “I actually need some time and space this weekend to figure out what I want for our relationship moving forward. Wednesday’s conversation and some major concerns concerning childhood trauma and your possible gay vibes is obviously disturbing for me. I need the weekend for myself to get some clarity.”
What am I supposed to do now?