Is this too broken?

I’m in a relationship with a girl and I’m really in love with her but I’m not sure if these things are red flags or things that are changeable over time.
Here’s a list of the debatable red flags:
-I get worried when and before she gets her period because she’s very crabby and I feel like I might upset her and she’ll be very mean, cold and distant.
-Tells me to stop doing things that aren’t hurting her in anyway just because they annoy her (e.g. getting mad at me after me and my friends were singing songs in a big group while waiting for the bus).
-after her period she apologizes sometimes and promises to be better and how much she likes me and wants to do things like go on a picnic with me.
-avoids any pda saying that she doesn’t like physical contact but hugs other people seconds later.
-blames any anger on her parents divorce and her depression.
-I apologize first pretty much anytime we fight and between being apart she talks about me behind my back.
-never seems to put any effort in to any sort of romantic gestures and if she does she puts herself first (e.g. My mom wanted me to make you a card but I’m lazy, or I made you this but I liked how it turned out so I’m keeping it and sending you a copy).

  • ignores my love of certain things and belittles them (she hates little kids, sentimental objects or stuff like that).
    I know this list makes her sound bad but she’s kinda poor and also she’s been through a lot. In addition maybe I’m not being sensitive enough or respecting her boundaries. I really like her so I don’t want to break up with her unless I absolutely have to.

(Edit: sorry for the wonky formatting my phone is a bit weird)

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Hi friend,

From what you shared it sounds that your girlfriend is struggling for reasons that are not related to you. The best way to know that would be to communicate with her honestly, to explain her how you feel about some things she said or did to you. Also to know how you can work on all of that together. As you mentioned her parents being divorced and her depression, then she is certainly preoccupied about that and it impacts her emotional state.

When I was severly depressed, I had mood changes and I was easily angry, even because of stupid things. My husband had to endure that and I didn’t count the amount of times when I felt sorry for being mean. It’s not how I wanted to be, and I didn’t meant what I said, but as I was exhausted physically and emotionally I was also mad against everything and everyone. It doesn’t excuse everything, and respect has to remain mutual in every relationship. But at least it helps to understand that maybe there are particular circumstances in the life of your girlfriend that are impacting how she behaves and the moments you spend together. But it’s not necessarily related to the your relationship and the love you have for each other. Again, it could be great to try to talk about it together quietly and see what you could try to improve this situation together. My husband and I needed this at the moment and it truly helped. I can only wish the same to you and your girlfriend. :wink:

Hold fast. :heart:

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