From Manni XP: It can get really, really tempting to speak to others as they have spoken to us, but if we regard that as wrong, then we have a responsibility to seek what is right.
I think…in order to fully heal, we must learn to offer the compassion, understanding, and patience that others failed to show us in the past - and this goes severalfold for that which we failed to show others.
In this way, we can help end the cycle of hurt.
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From フェネック (fenn): I totally agree 100% with this. Well said, Manni. :))
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It sounds like you’re on the path towards understanding of true forgiveness. Such forgiveness doesn’t bother to judge the person. It looks past the person’s perceived offense to consider what pain, suffering or confusion is behind it, then seeks to help with healing.
I heard a quote, “there was no need to forgive him because he was never condemned.” Forgiveness is usually associated with letting someone “off the hook,” or pardoning them for a perceived offense. In order for that form of forgiveness to occur, judgment must precede it. I separate the word forgiveness into for and give. Then the word means something like the prayer of St. Francis. For example, for suffering, give comfort. For fear, give reassurance and love. For injury, give whatever you can toward healing.
When I explain this IRL, I usually get a deer in the headlights stare, but I remain convinced that my interpretation more closely aligns with the original meaning of the word.
We’re absolutely horrible at judging each other, which is why most religions and philosophies say not to do it. Forgiveness that’s preceded by judgment is a bit like knocking someone down so you can pick them up again. Too often, that kind of forgiveness occurs for the purpose of inflating an ego.
I guess I’m getting a bit tangential here, but your comment inspired me to talk a bit.
Thanks for the post!
Hi Manni XP, thank you for sharing your progress with us.
Treating others as you would want to be treated, with compassion, understanding, and patience, is a great way to look at life.
The world would be kinder and less violent if more people adopted your thinking.
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From Manni XP: Thank you for the support in walking my path, Fenn and MissT.
From Happy Unicorn Rider: Forgiveness is for me about relieving my self of the burden of the bad things done to me.
And that way of seeing it have really helped me.
Thank you for sharing this, it hit me for sure! Take care!
From フェネック (fenn): Anytime ===============
The cycle of hurt can be endless, that’s for sure. Strong words of wisdom there, Manni. It is such a difficult position to be in: knowing what is right, yet having to compose with a possible sense of injustice for what may never be even acknowledged by the ones who hurt us before. It is a type of grief that has often made me stuck and sabotage myself over the years. Being proud of ending a cycle of repeated traumas and pain, at least in my own family, but at the same time hurting for being the one that has to make this effort. It’s hard to see that some people can get so carried away in their own pain that they’re not even willing to consider that other ways are possible, ones that don’t imply to hurt others.
You can be proud of yourself for embracing such an important thought-process and values in your life. It is a difficult and sometimes ungrateful path, but you surely contribute to make this world a bit better each time you choose to break the cycles of hurt. <3
From Manni XP: It does have that effect, doesn’t it?
Glad this resonated with you - and you, too.
From Happy Unicorn Rider: It sure does! =========
From Manni XP: Micro, thank you for sharing a bit about your experience with this sort of thing.
As with others’ experiences with other (related) things, it feels really validating to read.
I can appreciate that feeling proud may help others with a difficult undertaking, but I find it challenging to feel proud of doing what I see as simply necessary. It’s like…I have to do these medical treatments each week, but it would not feel right to feel proud of myself for (setting up infusion sites) when that’s simply what I have to do, you know?
At the same time, I do feel proud of the work that it took for me to get to this point.
Thanks again.
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From Microsmos: Yes, that makes completely sense. Feeling proud of something is generally something we associate to special events, special actions, things that tend to be remarkable in some way and out of the ordinary – or at least out of our ordinary. At the same time, why would we need to wait for something to be special in order to celebrate it? 
I’m personally a firm believer that each step matters, even when the feel very insignificant. Yes, medical treatments for example may be part of your life and of things that just have to be done. But… you are still free to decide whether you do it or not. And each time you choose to do something for yourself, towards self-care, healing and growth, you are contributing to this journey that gets you to the point of feeling more at peace with yourself. Because you could also decide to not do it, to let yourself drown, to not take care of this body of yours that hosts such a precious heart. The fact that questioning this decision doesn’t come to your mind though is a good sign – you’ve built healthy automatisms: “this needs to be done” because it is the right thing to do.
Not trying to create any discomfort though or feel pushy – we all have our own perception of what is worth celebrating or not, and how comfortable we feel about it. That’s totally okay, and I hear you on that. I’d personally celebrate these steps for you – that’s also what friends do. <:hrtLegoLove:390927785717137409>
From Manni XP: Thanks, Micro.
I shall take time to meditate on the perspective you have offered.
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