Day by day I’m listening to my friend struggling and slowly breaking and the only thing I can do is say “I’m here for you.” but it doesn’t feel right, enough. After how much that person has helped me it doesn’t feel like it’s enough because I can’t do much more to help them about it. I want to help but can’t and it frustrates me a lot. Feels like I have to give back to them for everything they’ve done and helped me with when it’s not true and from listening to it from day to day, I can’t handle it. I mentally cannot handle hearing someone else struggle, doesn’t matter who it is, especially people I love and care about a lot on top of a very toxic environment at home and trust issues. Don’t see too much of a purpose pushing through the same things over and over and over again.
I can relate to this quite a bit. Especially with my best friend. She and I have been close since 2005. We have seen each other through a lot of things on the years we have been friends. We’ve watched each other go through good and bad…and sometimes really bad.
My friend has always been so supportive of me, even when I was being hard headed, stubborn and not making very good choices. She still loved me, supported me and never judged me. She just tried to offer me kind advice and was honest all of the time.
Fast forward several years and to now, she has so much going on. From care taking a mother who is not healthy for her home. She care takes her mentally ill mother who is very demanding and needy. Often very toxic for her. Making her house feel so uncomfortable and not good for her health.
She also has a lot of financial struggles. And her animals have a lot of health issues. Her marriage is struggling, yet like me, she stays in it.
It’s never easy watching our friends and our loved ones suffer. It’s never easy hearing how much pain they are going through. And sometimes it’s even harder when we watch our friends struggle but they just won’t help themselves out of it. I have those kind of friends too. That hurt and struggle, but on a day to day basis they struggle to make better decisions to help themselves. It’s such a rough cycle to watch them go through.
There are times where I try my best to support them and love them, which is all you can do really. Time where I try to offer patience, compassion but its so mentally draining feeling like nothing I say is helping them.
Other times I simply feel like my friends have supported me SO much that I feel like I will never able to repay their kindness and all of the love and patience they have offered me. I understand the feeling of “having” to give back to them. But the truth of the matter is, that we dont have to “pay” them back. Rather simply loving them unconditionally, listening, being patient, forgiving is really all you can give and all you need to give. <3
I don’t know the situation between you and your friend, but if you want to talk further about it, Im open to you and willing to listen.
It’s okay if you need to take a step back. Sometimes I have to tell my friends that I just don’t know how to be emotionally available right now and just need to focus on my health. I tell them I love them and I’ll talk to them soon. I just need time to collect myself. And you if you need to do that sometimes, it IS okay.
Im listening if you want to talk more about it.
It is heartbreaking to see someone you love hurting, struggling. I feel for you, friend. I’ve felt helpless too many times before and it is certainly the most awful feeling to me.
You did what you have to, by saying that you are here for your friend. In every relationship, there is always a limit when you can’t do more. It’s okay. And very healthy to be aware of that. You let the door open, and that is a precious gift for your friend. It is a resource they can use anytime. But obviously you can’t force them to use it. I understand that it’s frustrating, and it hurts.
Take care of yourself, as much as possible. I know, it’s not easy. But you also have your own life to live and the emotions that come from this situation to deal with. You may need some time for yourself to recharge. And you won’t abandon them by doing this. If they’re willing to, they will come to you. They know you’re here for them. It’s the most important thing to know when you are struggling, and it means a lot.
Sending love your way.