It almost 3 in the morning and im trying to cry because my cockatiel is sleeping. I really wish i was dead. My life has no significance or use. I love my parents but at times i wish they never had me. Im so alone, i hate living my life. I just feel pain, it hurts. I don’t want to be here
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Sorry your cockatiel is preventing you from venting. I think its ok to cry. I’ve suffered with depression over half my life. It’s a very difficult and uncertain road. I’m not a doctor, and I’m not diagnosing you, but I have felt those same feelings often before. Have you ever spoken with a therapist just once a week? Is it something you’re comfortable talking to your parents about?
Hey Amaris,
I’m sorry to here you feel this way, I’ve known that feeling all to well, but I want you to know that you’re not alone. You’re loved by god and your family and you have a very special purpose that you are destine to fulfill someday. Life’s bumpy and depressing sometimes and it’s often hard to find that purpose but it can be done. You just got to have a little faith. Try finding activities, hobbies, things that bring you joy, and good vibes, and combat those negative thoughts and feelings. Always know that you can come here for support and know that you are heard, noticed, and you matter!
-Elijah
I have a few times, but I was forced to. I know they care, but they don’t know what to do. I don’t know where my therapist is at the moment
Hey @Amaris,
You’re loved. 
I’m sorry you’re having such dark thoughts. Nights can be so triggering… Personally, if I stay asleep at night, I always start to reflect on myself, on my life, and I can’t help feeling a lot of pain. When the world is asleep, it’s easier to ruminate and feel some deep, deep emotions. Also to feel very alone.
I see you. Through this post and the ones you posted before. I know you’re navigating through some hard times. But know that you are not alone in that pain. Even when it feels like you’re carrying the weight of this world only on your shoulders, you have friends by your side to lift that weight with you.
It’s okay to cry and feel. There’s nothing wrong with it. And when you need to just let it out… then so be it. You are not doomed to feel that way forever.
Do you know if anything triggered these emotions - aside being awake at night?
I believe sleeping could be worth to consider too. I don’t know at all if you struggle with sleeping or at least with having restful nights, but if it’s the case then the impact on your mental health can be important. I only talk from my own experience here, but I’ve seen how improving my sleeping habits helps me over time. It helps to break a depressing cycle. Maybe it could be worth to think about it and if some changes could be made on this matter. You deserve all the rest you need, friend. <3
My life has no significance or use.
You have worth and value just by being you. And you’re struggling right now. Which makes it easier to feel lost, but also more difficult to find your own purpose/meaning in this life. Your life doesn’t have to be significant or “useful”. It only has to be meaningful and fulfilling to you. But discovering this is a process in itself. You won’t get all the answers at once. It’s about experiencing life itself. And through this journey there are moments when we are awake at 3am in the morning and we can’t help feeling very lost.
I love my parents but at times i wish they never had me.
I don’t know your parents, but I’m pretty sure you are a blessing to them. You’re their child. And regardless of how your relationship is with them, you hold a special place in their life and in their heart. Just like you are part of this community and I’m grateful to you for being here, for reaching out and sharing about what’s going on. <3
I don’t want to be here
Then thank you for being here right now despite the pain you’re feeling. This shows your strength, friend. And your capacity to make healthy decisions for yourself.
Thank you for your trust.
Thank you for being.
It’s a privilege and an honor to do life with you.
There are brighter days ahead, friend. You are not meant to feel that pain forever. There is more to live. <3
Sending hugs your way.
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I was forced my first time. Later on in life I was “talked” into it again. I didn’t enjoy it at first. I found a person I like talking to a little more and over time I’ve grown to like talking to them, but even at the beginning this time I hated it.