Honestly, I don’t know where to start. I’ve posted here a long while ago, but I’m really in need of someone to just talk with. I have been so overwhelmed with everything in my life and it’s been difficult trying to navigate.
For starters, it’s been difficult dealing with my granny lately. Dad talked her into moving in with them a few years back because she was forgetting way more than your typical elderly person. She would fall and not tell anyone. She would forget her meds one day and take too many the next. And the final straw was when she would get lost driving or run off the road and freak out. So that meant no car either. She moved in with my parents and much to her dismay she was getting the proper medical care she was needing. She would go to the doctors and lie that she was fine. But luckily my mom was catching onto some symptoms my granny was having and had further testing done. Last year they found a brain tumor and some tumors in her neck. They eventually determined that they weren’t cancerous and later found out that they weren’t growing. But granny is pretty head strong about not having surgeries and thinks all doctors are evil . So the tumors are staying there I guess. And to add to this bouquet of chaos they finally diagnosed her with Lewy Body Dementia. If you don’t know a lot or anything about it, basically along with other notable symptoms she also forgets certain body functions, such as standing and walking and other really important function. So think ornery 3 year old when she has to do something she doesn’t want to.
For a while, it was just mom watching her during the day and night. Before I got a job this year, I had started to help her during the week while I could with my granny. I had time and I wanted to spend time with one of the women that’s always been there for me and given me so much hope. After my pawpaw died in 2015 she’s had to be alone in her house by herself before she moved in with my mom and dad. I needed her just as much as she needed someone to be with her so I jumped up to help my mom when I could.
Then queue in the beginning of this summer. My husband unexpectedly lost his job so when things started becoming increasingly difficult financially I started working at a local dollar store to try and help with some of our finances. It didn’t help a lot but it was something and I had my husband to help watch my daughter. He finally got blessed with a job a couple of weeks ago which is starting to help a lot. But …
Mom and dad randomly planned a trip for a getaway… and basically it was put onto me and my sister to take care of her while they are gone… I’m not going to lie, I was infuriated and only because they’ve been taking breaks for years and the rest of us haven’t and we need one too… but that may be the pity party starting up…but I’m digressing ….
It’s been a little more difficult that I’m the only person in the lighting group at my church so I have to take time and go up there before the service and build the light show so it will be ready for sundays … (nothing too hardcore but it’s still awesome) it’s just that we don’t normally have church on wednesdays and… hhhhhhhh…. There’s just a lot - a LOT - of drive time now and I miss valuable time with my family and homework … there’s just so much… I don’t know how to process all of this…
When my Grandma started declining cognitively, my mom dropped her off to live with me. After that, my mom wouldn’t bother visiting more than once a month or so. It wasn’t a good situation because I was only 17 and prior to Grandma arriving, living on my own. I also had to work. When I wasn’t around, I had to gas to the stove turned off because she would put something on to cook and then forget about it. I worked it out with the landlady to check on her a few times a day while I was at work. We also got her to “babysit” for some neighbor kids, but actually, the kids were watching her. That went on for a couple of years until she finally needed nursing care.
I’ve also worked at memory care facilities and have done home health, helping families manage family members who were in cognitive decline.
I totally respect and admire you for being willing to care for your Grandma as it becomes a hugely demanding task, both physically and emotionally.
It may seem as though your parents “randomly” decided to take a trip, but I suspect they felt some urgency about it, in anticipation of the necessity to keep eyes on Grandma 24/7. Often, when cognitive decline occurs, the individual becomes far less predictable and more easily agitated. It sounds like that’s already beginning to happen. It’s possible that your parents won’t be able to take another trip until Grandma is no longer there.
Is it possible to leave the lighting at the church mostly set up from one week to the next? Is it possible to train someone to fill in for you sometimes?
It’s not safe or healthy to overextend yourself. There’s a great deal of risk if driving while exhausted. If that’s the issue, perhaps the church can do without a light show once in a while. It might even be a good lesson. Rather than attend church to see the lights, people can be there to learn how to be the light.
Hey friend - I want to take proper time to respond to you later on, but for now just wanted to say that it’s good to see you. Thankful you’ve decided to reach out at a time you need it, and sending big hugs your way.
Firstly, it’s nice to see you back reaching out. It has indeed been a while. I want you to know, that you aren’t alone in this whatsoever. You are carrying a huge amount of responsibility, and it’s completely okay to feel overwhelmed given the extreme circumstances you face.
Dealing with a loved ones health challenges is never easy, especially when it’s your Granny - who seems to be facing a lot of intense and complicated challenges. This can take an emotional toll on you. Your dedication, support and love for your family is much to be admired and touched by.
There seems to be a lot of financial strain on you and your husband, due to your jobs. The lack of money and the fact you have to care for your Granny whilst your parents are away on a trip must be incredibly frustrating. You need money in order to live.
It’s important to talk openly with your family. You are perfectly within your right to expres how you feel to them. However talking with your family can help them step up to your level and understand you better. Your family should be stepping up to help with the caring responsibilities. It’s important to delegate to your family if you are struggling. If family aren’t in a position to help, then it’s important to look for other arrangements.
I understand that you are struggling to find answers - but that’s okay! The situation is really complex and demanding. It’s so important that you reach out to your family or professionals for support.
. So the tumors are staying there I guess. And to add to this bouquet of chaos they finally diagnosed her with Lewy Body Dementia. If you don’t know a lot or anything about it, basically along with other notable symptoms she also forgets certain body functions, such as standing and walking and other really important function. So think ornery 3 year old when she has to do something she doesn’t want to.
but it’s still awesome) it’s just that we don’t normally have church on wednesdays and… hhhhhhhh…. There’s just a lot - a LOT - of drive time now and I miss valuable time with my family and homework … there’s just so much… I don’t know how to process all of this…
