It’s not all about me

[AnxietyIsMyLife]

I’ve never done this before. But I’m tired of burdening what few friends I have and I don’t need my family to hate my husband.

My husband and I had a huge fight. It started as a friendly debate on female streamers and then I called him sexist when he said a girl who paints her body on stream is a “booby streamer”. He said that hurt him and he went to another room. I tried to let it go. My counselor has told me to set boundaries and to not cave every time my husband doesn’t get what he wants. So I tried to do that. I ate my dinner and went on about my night.

Then he texts me from the bedroom telling me he’s not sexist. And I told him look I worded that poorly I don’t think you are sexist. But your take, that terminology feels sexist to me. He starts trying to get me to see his side and is trying to argue why I’m wrong. And I told him look we aren’t going to agree. And he wouldn’t let it go. He messages me asking if When our son turns 12 would I let him watch a body art streamer. And, I didn’t answer fast enough. In less than a minute he’s standing behind me telling me he needs me to answer so he can stream. That I need to stop eating and talk to him so he can go do his stream.

I told him no, I wouldn’t let a 12 year old watch a body art streamer. Because a 12 year old would find it sexual. The same way teachers hide the National Geographic with the topless women. It’s not sexual, but at 12 it was to us. But he kept going and pushing and I honestly just wanted to agree to disagree and move forward. Two people can’t agree on everything and sometimes we have to accept that we aren’t identical. But he says he’s not done and I tell him ok. He doesn’t like to be wrong. I have apologized countless times just to get it to be over. And even now I feel guilty for standing my ground. But I’m trying to work on the boundaries my counselor and I talked about. That I told my husband that I was working on. And I said I’m not going to agree with you just so you can be right and feel better to stream.

He tells me not everything is about me. That I can take that shit to my counselor, that that is his boundary. And that he’s allowed to be upset and not want to be done. And I was like but we aren’t getting anywhere. We’ve presented our thoughts. We discussed it and we aren’t going to agree.

He stormed off. I’m crying. Alone. Upset. And feeling like the whole world would be better off without me.

I have to make it two weeks without counseling and I feel ready to implode. I don’t know where to turn. I just needed to get this out of my head. And to not feel so alone.

[grandmastrqueen]

I definitely see how this can be stressful. I feel that you should not feel guilty for standing your ground. Our boundaries are everything to use and without them there is chaos. I can say this because with my parents and other family members, I allowed them to walk all over me until one day I snapped and I started doing everything out of anger. It took for me to be involved in anger management to learn about boundaries and the important of them and once I set them, everyone fell into place and seen me instead of walk all over me.

It sounds like you at least gave a little compromise with the apologizing and stating to agree to disagree. And the topic was never about you so I can’t understand why he stated so. I think you handled it wonderfully. I’m not going to sit here oh he needs to chill and things like that because it’s not my place, but I can state how it went from your perspective and it doesn’t sound like something worth fretting over.

I have an ex that I can still talk to sometimes and recently he was told by someone he is a misogynist. At first, I stated that I didn’t feel he was a misogynist from his perspective of things, but the more he spoke on women the more and more I seen why this person called him this. Now in our debates, I would stand my ground because I already knew he would get worked up if I told him that he did sound a bit like a misogynist. Our last debate was about marriage and prenups and I stood my ground on that as well. He kept poking trying to make me agree with him, but I flat out told him, “I said what I said, it’s my opinion, and nothing would change my state of mind on the matter.”

I haven’t heard from him for days now, but that’s okay because I am not going to feel guilty for having my opinion and I am not going make him agree with my viewpoint so I also went with the lets agree to disagree. So point is don’t feel guilty and don’t let his persistent lead you from your boundaries. Stay strong, love!

[grandmastrqueen]

Oh and by the way…WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY!!!