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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Schism by Tool
it was what happened to me and my partner. but i couldnt get the peices to fit and yes my life shattered. it didnt matter what i did or tryed to do. none of it mattered. i lost her and cant get past what happened and how we ended
Losing a relationship hurts, it’s a pain that takes a time to heal from. I know that even a year or so after a relationship or friendship ended I had moments where I would wonder about what could have been.
Your heart is very important and how you’re feeling is so valid. You deserve to allow yourself the love and care from all those who support you and from the community here. Some self care goes a long way. You do deserve to feel and be loved x
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@@HeartSupport…
It’s hard to be in a place that is made of hurt, grief and shame at the same time. It is this storm that seems to swallow everything and you’re stuck right in its eye, witnessing all the damaes it creates. You’ve lost someone you love and a relationship that was so very significant to your heart. It makes sene to feel completely shattered because of what happened. When such a storm hits, we look back and wonder what could have been done differently. I imagine that the memories of the conflicts/disconnection you’ve had with your partner must be overwhelmingly present at times, if not all the time. As much as the good memories that seem now to take a different color. Losing the person us love leaves you wounded in ways that are so hard to describe. I’m sorry that this has been your experience, friend.
I hear you though and understand that it might be difficult to read that despite what happens, you deserve love and compassion. If you feel responsible of this breakup, if you did something wrong that would have been a major cause in this loss, then it’s completely understandable to feel like somehow you wouldn’t deserve anything good moving forward. Following conflicts and losses of people I love, I’ve personally felt many times like I was nothing but a piece of sh*t. A piece of trash to throw away as soon as possible. And if someone didn’t do it, I would make my own life as difficult as possible. It fel like I would be meant to make myself suffer for the rest of my life.
In the midst of raw pain, we are forced to face the importance of self-forgiveness, and how untainable it can feel. Somehow, we don’t even want to consider this idea… It has to be for others. For “good people”. For the ones that don’t mess up their relationships. For the ones that don’t hurt the people they love… At least, it certainly feels that way.
From our position here though, we have the possibility to see beyond the pain that you are experiencing, and emphasize how much what you’re feeling is profoundly human and valid. It doesn’t devalue you in any way. In itself, it does not make you a bad person or someone unworthy of genuine care. It still takes two to make a relationship, and sometimes we face the brutality of not being able to communicate properly anymore. But the circumstances don’t define you, friend.
It’s not much in light of the deep pain you’ve been experiencing, but we’re sending much hugs your way. Thank you for sharing what’s been on your heart. You are not alone here.