It's been a minute

About a month ago I went through surgery to get my gallbladder removed, I’m healed and fine now, but I learned a few things while I was there… One of which is there a high chance a can’t have kids… I’ve been wanting kids for a while to the point I’ve had names picked out… Hearing that killed my hope, on my bad days I’d tell myself “continue so your future kids have better”, also nearly every day I have to hear about my gfs pregnancy and it kills me I don’t wish that it didn’t happen I just wish they didn’t bring it up so often around me. I get it they are excited and happy but do they no see the pain in my face when it’s brought up? I don’t say anything because I don’t want to sound selfish. Also gf is being evicted bc she didn’t pay her rent and now bf is mad at landlord, like actions have consequences. I’m just tired and emotionally hurt.


Hi there @whyorwhynot,

Thank you for sharing with us; that news sounds extremely impactful, particularly because you planned on having (biological) children. I can completely understand how this could lead you to lose hope and am sorry that you are going through this.

I’d suggest talking to your doctor a bit more as it sounds like there may still be some medical uncertainty(?). With that said, I recognize that no advice can truly help with what you’re going through.

In terms of your girlfriend’s pregnancy, it makes sense that this would hurt you after receiving such challenging news. Perhaps you could ask that they don’t bring it up as much around you, if they’ve heard about your medical news? It’s not selfish to set boundaries and protect yourself, as long as you do it amicably, and this could mitigate significant pain while this is still a fresh wound.

I see that you have a prior post on this relationship too, so it seems like these challenges with your girlfriend/boyfriend’s rent have been going on for a while. All this strife is incredibly challenging, and it makes sense that you’d be tired given how long this has been going on for!

I hope that you’re able to take some time for yourself to rest; you certainly deserve it. You’re amazing and valued, and I appreciate you for sharing your story with us.

<3 Tuna

hi whyorwhynot,
thank you for sharing, reaching out to us.
i am sorry to hear that all, what you are going through right now. my toughts are with you.
when you had the dream to have kids in the future, this is devastating, this takes your hope.
like @eagertuna0 said, a talk to a doctor could be a help, also a therapist. how you handle this situation and
also manage all of your thoughts right now , can help a lot. take care.
set boundries is necessary at a point in life, to protect yourself. a wall to protect, a big space you need to get
yourself in and feel comfortable. a space for you !
all of this is not selfish at all, it is needed. more needed that we often like. setting boundries to people we
know, we like and we love is hard, but also it is something that you have to do to take more care for yourself
for the upcoming battles. then they will be easier. because one tought, that these walls will hold away from
yourself, is one tought less that can hurt you. also speak about everything that is on your mind. reach out
anytime you want to us, to your loved ones around you. they care for you and support you.
you are loved my friend, and you matter most. take little steps forward, they often matter the most.
i hope that for you, the time in front of you, you can spend with things you love, and the right people.
you deserve that, you are strong. feel hugged :purple_heart:

From: ManekiNeko

I’m so sorry you’ve been through this. It’s so hard to be told there’s a chance that you can’t have children, but I do want to encourage you that there are so many wonderful ways to become a parent and full-fill that desire in your life. Of course there always talking to your doctor and making sure to have regular check ups, but there’s also other options that can be discussed, and those options are just as important and worthy of a parent/child relationship. I’m so sorry your heart is heavy right now, I hope you’re able to take some time to look after yourself and to be able to talk to your partners about this and how it’s making you feel.