Hi, it’s been around 8 months since my last post. And I wanted to share my progress and what has been going on since then.
I am feeling more at ease with life recently. I was able to cut that person out of my life that I was obsessed with and haven’t talked to her in many months. I didn’t even want to keep track at how long, that’s how much I was willing to forget about her. I got her to block me on everything and me to block her, making communication nearly impossible, and at a point where I am not willing to try.
With that, I found someone new. I found someone with the same views as me, same interest, and is my type. We have been talking for a month and the other day she asked me out. Waiting patiently has lead me to this. I trust her a lot more than every other girl I have talked to. With every other girl, I would have a lot of anxiety and issues regarding trust, because I would always think they are betraying me in one way or the other, but not with this girl. I have a lot of trust in her, and even with my anxiety and trust issues, I have only had one time the whole month where I panicked, but I quickly resolved it and dealt with it alone.
I have also been doing stuff to get me off of technology more. Like playing piano, I have been getting piano lessons recently and have seen massive improvements in my skills. I have gotten more into my faith and got baptized the other day. I have made sure to go on walks every day, stretch every morning, and improve my overall diet. As long with meditation.
These improvements in my life haven’t made me happy, but I have seen a massive improvement in my mental health and physical health. I hope to continue growing.
With good comes bad however, because there have been things halting my growth.
First of all, my grandpa has lung cancer. This has really stressed me out. I love my grandpa so much, and living life without him will be devastating. Thankfully, it’s just a small tumor and is presumed he will be ok, but with this physical health, i’m not sure how long he will last after.
Second of all, my cat of 17 years passed away a few weeks ago. I cried a bunch, and multiple days after. I couldn’t even continue my job because of it. I had this dreadful lingering feeling for a few days that eventually went away. I watched her pass in my step dads arms, taking her last breath. One of my first memories was when we adopted her when I was 3, and seeing her gone after having her that long hurt a lot. I still think of her, and I still watch the video I took with her an hour before she passed away. We have her ashes and her hair to keep. I love her so much and I will never stop.
Finally, I have had a little bit of stress finding a new job. Jobs are very hard for me and can get overwhelming very easily for me. I quit my recent job that I only had for about a week and have been unemployed for about 2 weeks now. I have applied for 7 new jobs, but none have contacted me back. I am hoping to find something that I will at least not dread and make decent money for part time. I am not really worried about money, because I am pretty conservative with my spending, so that isn’t the issue. It’s more of the guilt and the fact that i WILL eventually run low on money. I hope I can find something new.
To anyone who reads this, thank you, and thank you to the people who have continuously supported me on this website, no matter how much I seemed like a bad person. Until next time.