This is a topic from INSTAGRAM. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on Instagram.
Belongs to: HeartSupport_Fans Content #2564
It’s hard to believe that any words shared matter anymore…talking from and towards myself. More often than not, I feel worse when I share or open up. We are all saying the same thing, we lost this and that. It does hurt. The weight of sympathetic ears and eyes from ppl we don’t know sometimes just sux worse. It’s hard to believe in ppl anymore…
Please consider that the very fact that we are strangers can make the words we share more significant. We are not answering posts because we are trying to impress someone, because no one knows who we are. We have no reason to be anything but authentic, therefore our responses must come from the heart.
Give it a bit more thought. There may not be any greater reason for hope than to realize that strangers who have nothing to gain are willing to care for you. Even if you are angry with or disappointed in yourself, these strangers can help you become re-grounded in the reality of your value and potential.
It’s really good that you posted your thoughts. You have given voice to what I suspect a lot of people have thought about.
I feel this with you. Sometimes even the best intentions can come off as burdens added on top of the pain we’re already feeling. You can see the good intention from someone who is expressing sympathy, yet not feeling ready to hear what they are saying. And it’s okay to not be available for that emotionally. It’s okay to not welcome everything all the time. Opening up is a brave gesture that can bring so many conflicting feelings to us, and make us feel so vulnerable. It’s objectively hard to welcome anyone in our own vulnerable/emotional space, especially as it does not necessarily respond to our needs at the moment. When you’re hurting, sympathy can feel like the person expressing it is doing it for themselves, and not genuinely for you/out of care.
Personally, I feel that way when I need to be heard and when I’m feeling lost/angry at a situation. When I lost my big brother especially, I was so annoyed at people expressing their kindness and care - it all felt numb and even upsetting to me. It felt useless, blank statements, just things that would never change the situation anyway. I didn’t have the emotional availability at the time to care for what they were saying and interact. With time, I’ve come to realize that what I needed at the time was people to listen and eventually sit with me quietly, but not to speak, express sympathy, or even less provide advice/guidance. I just needed someone to be there, nothing more. Weirdly enough, it can help even more to hear someone saying “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here”. It feels more genuine and authentic. When it is about losses and grief especially, it often feels like people feel forced somehow to say something because it’s socially acceptable, while it’s not necessary. What is needed are authentic connections.
I’m sorry that opening up has been such a negative experience for you. Truthfully, you are allowed to welcome in your world only the things that resonate with you at a given time. Maybe what people said will be welcomed at a different in your life. If it’s not now, that’s okay. If it’s never, that’s okay too. No matter what, you deserve to be heard and listened to, without having to feel burdened by others sympathy. Because what you feel matters. Always.