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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to BLACK by PearlJam
I’ve been belting this song out from time to time, whenever I’m alone in my apartment, for the past 5 years, ever since my daughter kicked me out of her life and the lives of my grandchildren. I know it’s a breakup song for lovers; but, if you change a couple of lines, it fits the loss of any relationship that gave your life meaning.
People keep telling me I have to find new meaning for my life; but, what exactly can replace your children and grandchildren? There’s nothing to fill that deep of a gaping hole in your heart and soul. It is a permanent blackness. So, now, I put all my pain and anguish into my own music and lyrics.
I’m sorry this devastating situation is happening to you. It’s never easy to lose a connection with someone close to you, especially family members.
Don’t lose hope! There is always a chance to mend what has been broken. I can only imagine what it feels like to be completely shut out of someone’s life. Some say that time heals all wounds, and I think it’s important to keep your mind on the possibility of reconnecting with your family. I don’t know all of the details revolving around this awful experience, but I would focus on what can be done to get back to your daughter and grandchildren.
Good luck and feel free to keep replying! We are here for you.
I’m deeply sorry that you’ve had to carry this pain, friend. Losing this connection with your daughter and grandchildren must feel like losing a piece of yourself, of a sense of purpose. No matter how much advice others might give, the way it makes you feel empty is not just something one can “move on” from. People might mean well when they say this, but they also don’t realize nor understand the depth of losing people you love. It truly is like being forced to live with a hole inside of your heart. The way you describe it makes so much sense, and I hope you can feel at least heard right here after sharing these parts of your story.
This kind of darkness it leaves you with is hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t lived it. You’re right: there is nothing to fill that gap, the one where their laughter, their hugs, and their presence used to live. When people tell you to “find new meaning,” it’s frustrating, even invalidating. It’s like they don’t understand just how irreplaceable your role as a parent and grandparent is. It’s not about finding something to fill the space but reallyreconciling with the fact that nothing ever truly can.
Something beautiful in your message is als how you’ve found a way to pour this pain into your music. It becomes a medium to your hurt, a way to shape all those feelings into something that exists outside of you. It doesn’t fill the hole, but it helps to learn to approach it, look at it, and accept the space it occupies in your life. It’s a way of giving your grief a voice, a shape, a way to move through you, instead of letting it freeze you in the same place over and over. Your music shows that while feeling the blackness you’re describing, you’re still creating. You’re taking the pain out of this beautiful heart of yours and doing something with it.
I hope that, through the songs you sing and the words you write, you feel a little less alone in those moments. There is love and depth in your heart. That love is still there, and it’s still yours.
