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I've done the hard work so now what?

So it’s been about two months since I went public with my story about my sexual assault, and not going to lie the healing was messy at first I cried for about two days and locked myself in my room and threw together a zine with some tweaking that could be something beautiful. My friends and therapist have been incredibly supportive and now everything has l kinda scabbed over, and I’ve decided to be celibate for the next few months or my next relationship. Which is kinda weird ngl because I’ve had so many weird sex dreams. I wouldn’t say I’m on the brink of a relationship but I’ve been talking to this guy during quarantine who lives in Ohio a few hours away from me and I’ve told him a lot about my past with mental illness he was very supportive when I came out as non-binary. But I really like this dude and like red alerts aren’t going out when I talk to him. But I’m worried that ontop of being disabled now I come with this heavy sexual trauma and I don’t want to seem like damaged goods.

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I think this is the most disturbing self-description I have ever read. YOU ARE NOT GOODS! You are a human being, with deep feelings, deep scars, and maybe open wounds. This makes you unique and does not limit your right being loved and desired.

I do not know you - but I am confident to say this: You are wonderful the way you are. Everybody is. But in this case and now you are especially.

You are loved. You will be loved. No matter what.

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Oh @cxbachx, I feel for you. Your past trauma may shape the perception you have of yourself, especially since it can bring some deep feelings and sensations, but you are not like damaged goods. You are a human being. Not an object made to be used. Someone hurt you before, but they didn’t break you. They didn’t change the essence of who you are. Their actions didn’t reflect any kind of truth about you. You are a unique individual who deserve love, respect, compassion, genuine care. You always did. You still do and still will.

You can be so proud of all the steps you’re taking. I am so, so glad to hear that your therapists and friends are supportive. That is so awesome. :hrtlegolove: And through this journey, you have the right to take your time. To move on at your own pace. This perception of yourself will change. You’ll get to see yourself with more clarity, love, and peace. As I’ve been taking some hard steps myself, I can tell that I really relate to what you described. Healing is messy. There’s no precise direction. Sometimes it feels more like sitting on the ground and waiting for something to happen. It’s okay to wonder “now what?” when you really want to get over it as soon as possible. Time is your friend. But it can be very, very frustrating sometimes too.

Indeed, you are doing the hard work. And you’re doing it great. Thank you so much for sharing your progress, friend. Keep moving on, one day at a time. You’re beautiful as you are. And we’re in this with you. :hrtlegolove:

hi @cxbachx
I know your post was a while ago now but I just wanted to say, thank you for sharing your story here. I am so glad that you have been able to have some healing and that you are talking to someone that you get on with who is supportive of you. You Are not damaged goods and someone that truly likes you will not see you as being damaged goods. You are a person who has been through horrible things and are now getting stronger everyday, I’m proud of you. I wish you the best in your journey and the fact that you have supportive people around you will help you In that journey. One step at a time and one day at a time :heart: