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Belongs to: Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren
I’ve lost a good friend to suicide. it hurts so much
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Suicide is so painful because it happens so quickly that we don’t even know where to begin processing it. The biggest things I’ve felt when I’ve lost someone to suicide is guilt. If I had just been there, if I had just etc etc until I wreck myself inside.
I know how much it hurts, it’s a different type of hurt. The biggest thing I want you to know is to give yourself time to process these emotions. Cry, be angry, sit and feel. The more we push them down, the stronger and more painfully they come back up. You can’t blame yourself, and you can’t try to hold it all together.
I find that being able to share our hearts and hurt with others make it feel like a load is taken off our backs. A joy shared is double the amount of joy, but a shared sorrow is half of the sorrow. I know that your friend loved you very much, and there are people who love you that want to support and love on you as you’re feeling this grief.
You are not alone my friend, I am praying for you and I want to hold your hand as you navigate this. You are very, very loved <3
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Suicide is such a painful experience to go through in so many different ways. Losing a loved one always leaves a hole in our hearts and sometimes the pain of losing them never truly goes away. When we lose someone to suicide, we feel like we could have done more for them, we feel like we weren’t there enough for them, we feel like we could have done something to change the outcome. And a lot of the times, those feelings can lead us to feelings of guilt. We get left with questions that will never be answered.
But, you didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t your fault. You loved your friend and they know that. I know that it hurts and I am sure you have days where the grief feels so deep that you can barely keep your head above water. That there are times where you feel so utterly exhausted because you are trying to keep yourself afloat. Grief is one of those emotions that never truly goes away and I think the reason for that is because the love that we have for those that we have lost never goes away.
There was a quote that I heard from Andrew Garfield recently and it has really changed my perspective on grief a bit. He said, “grief is all the love that we didn’t get to give them while they were still here.” You loved your friend so much and I know that you miss them just as much. Sometimes when I am missing a loved one that I have lost, I have found that talking about them and the memories that we have together helps. It allows me to share them with people that they may not have had the chance to meet, but I wish that they did. It gives me the opportunity to share their light with other people.
I also like to keep in mind that they are always with me, it may not be in the way that I want, but through all of my struggles and triumphs, they are along for the ride with me. Grief brings up so many emotions and it is sometimes difficult to process them all. But show yourself some grace and allow yourself the time you need to process them. You also don’t have to process them alone anymore. No matter what the emotion is, we will be there to help you process it. Grief can feel like you are lost at sea with no land in sight, but we are here to offer you a life preserver so you can give your limbs a break from swimming.