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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Left Behind by Slipknot
I’ve lost four friends to suicide. In the span of three years. I sure felt left behind. I blamed myself alot. I kinda still do. Even though it was more than 15 years ago. And right now I’m not in a good place. I live a good life. I have Stability. But yet I’m fighting this feeling of guilt and shame. It’s rough. Especially when i wake up and can’t fall back to sleep.
Survivor’s guilt is a real thing, and it’s a struggle. It defintiely have some similarities to PTSD in terms of the effects, both in the short term and the long term. Have you tried to find someone to talk to about this? like a therapist or even just a support group in your area? It can definitely help minimize or cope with the symptoms and hopefully be some relief. We’re also here to support you as well <3
First of all, I know 100% the pain you’ve been enduring. I lost my best friend to suicide in 2023, and I still struggle. Loosing anybody to suicide is a heartbreak, and a tragedy that ultimately could’ve and should’ve been avoided. I struggled for months with guilt and shame, but ultimately, nobody is responsible for the decisions and actions of others. Suicide is a complex issue, and there are often many factors involved that are beyond anyone’s control.
Carrying these emotions with you after a number of years is understandable. Healing from such profound loss takes time and patience, and it’s okay to seek support as you navigate through these emotions. You deserve compassion and understanding, both from others and from yourself.
In the midst of all the pain and heartbreak, your determined and resilient spirit shines through. You’ve built a stable life for yourself, which is amazing. Remember to be gentle with yourself during this challenging time. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, but also remember to celebrate the moments of joy and peace that you find along the way.
You are not alone in this journey. Reach out to loved ones, or consider seeking support from a therapist or support group who can offer guidance and empathy. You deserve to find healing and peace, and I believe that with time and support, you will find your way through this darkness into the light.
Have a look at the link below, it may be of interest to you and mentions what @djstarion spoke about in regards to survivors guilt: Survivors Guilt - MNT
Hey Friend, Thank you so much for taking the time to share your feelings. I cannot imagine how hard it has been for you to lose anyone, let alone four friends to suicide and it would be so easy to say its not your fault and you shouldnt feel guilty because of course it isnt but human beings have an amazing ability to find guilt in any and every situation especially as you say (in the night, when you cannot fall back to sleep) I do hope you have had help over the years with coping with this. I have a link here that might help. I will share it with you. Please feel free to reach out on our forum whenever you wish. You matter. xx
Losing someone to suicide is a weight that can stay heavily in your heart. All the questions and scenarios keep playing in your mind and it definitely is haunting.
There’s so many emotions that surface and all of them are confusing and at the same time, they co-exist and are natural.
It’s okay to grieve and still grieve over time because there no limit on love.
It’s not easy to be kind to ourselves when guilt is present. In fact, it’s quite easy to do the opposite and allow the guilt and grief to remind us of short comings. I just want to remind you that you have not fallen short. That even though we love and have been loved by those who have come and gone in our lives, it’s not our actions or words that have created the hurt in their hearts.
We created an environment and space around them that made this world a little more bearable.
You’ve been through hell, and you’ve been carrying a type of pain that sticks over time, even if its shape changes at times. It’s understandable to still think about your friends, to still feel for them, and somehow to still experience this remaining guilt and shame that followed their loss. You have faced losses that were absolutely brutal, and it has left you with questions unanswered, a lack of reason… It’s so hard to keep going on with our life when it others that we loved so much stopped so suddenly. Joy feels almost unwanted, if not forbidden.
I don’t know if you ever heard this before, but what happened to your friends was not your fault, and you are not at fault if you smile, if you feel happy or if you live a good life. You’ve been experiencing a profound injustice, yet the breath in your lungs right now is not something you are guilty of. You are allowed to embrace life as you can while honoring your friends memory at the same time. You were, and you are still a good friend to them. You will always be, no matter what.
