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Belongs to: Sleep Token - Take Me Back To Eden - Therapist's Reaction
I’ve lost my professional career. I’ve clung to workaholism to validate my existence for most of my life, last year I was diagnosed with MS in a very short period after my first flare up. Having to walk away from it has really been a hardship mentally. Not being able to be the breadwinner and rock for my wife who got sick a few years ago and had to give up being a nurse, dealing with the loss of functionality, dealing with likely never being able to rise ourselves out of poverty because we both got sick and fell into poverty has really been a struggle. I hadn’t yet buried the grief from losing my dad during covid and now this, just not sure how my heart can handle. @heartsupport.
I lost my father in a similar time frame. I can imagine that having that loss at the same time as the other things you are describing going through must be a difficult place to be in. Not having the structure/routine of being a workaholic must be quite hard on your mental. I know I get quite lost when I experience too much down time myself. I obviously understand that due to the MS it makes a lot of other things harder in your life. But maybe there are some new things you could find that could help fill some of the time you used to spend working? That could help with some of the down time. I’m not sure if there are any support groups for MS near you, or resources. But I have found that for my own ailments, peer support has been very helpful in my recovery, and ability to understand my options for the things I am dealing with better.
Depending on where you are living there might be some resources online that could help with finding support. National MS Society is one in the US. I hope you can find some solutions to some of the things ailing you, and if you ever want to talk further, please feel free to write more! I’m not sure the answers for a lot of things, but I do feel like talking about what we are going through can in itself be beneficial.
Thank you for reaching out. I am deeply sorry for your loss and for what you are currently going through. There are seasons in life that can get extremely overwhelming with too many things that seem to weigh us down. You are currently going through a lot of big changes in life, and that must be a scary experience and the uncertainty of the future can be intimidating. Maybe getting connected with a MS support group could help you navigate some of these changes. It could also be helpful to meet and be around others who are experiencing or have similar experiences as your own. It can be reminder and symbol that you are not alone in this journey.
I just want to let you know that there are people, such as myself, that are rooting for both you and your wife, and for your family to make it through this difficult time.
You’ve been dealing with a lot, friend. A lot of loss, grief and major changes in your life that would be difficult for anyone to process. I hope that, in the midst of this situation, you manage to be kind to yourself and patient with your heart. You have been doing your best with the means that you got, and none of what you are experiencing right now would ever diminish your worth.
Workaholism has been an addiction of mine for a while and I relate to what you describe with your body developing chronic/immune issues almost as a way to force yourself to pause. With workaholism it feels like it’s almost impossible to not think about the next step over and over. You’re just never contempt with your achievements and progress - what matters is what comes next. Somehow, it’s a very human way to cope - from what I do and produce comes my worth and value, therefore the justification for my own existence. It’s so hard when at some point your body decides for you that this way to be can’t keep on going. It forces you to pause, to approach life differently, to mourn so many things at once, but even more the illusion of who you thought you should be.
In the midst of the struggles you’ve been experiencing these days, there is no doubt that your wife loves you as much now as when you were a full-time worker, providing with her for your home. The circumstances you are in, together, will never define either of you, your existence, and even less your worth. I hope with all my heart that you will both manage to find ways through the financial stress and hurdle. When we are hit by life’s unexpected events and obstacles, it’s okay to rely on others, to utilize services that are present out there to help make our life a little easier, to also share how we feel in safe spaces. I imagine there must be thoughts of shame that cross your mind at times, but I really want to assure you that what you are experiencing does not define you and will never say anything about you.
