Hey there, this is the first time I ever told this story about myself so this is kind off a big deal to me…
I’m 18 years old and I can proudly say that I’ve been ‘selfharm-free’ for over 1 year now. I Always had issues with my weight and the way I looked. I never had much friends growing up which changed this year. I’m in my first year of college and I made some friends, and i’m really proud of that.
I’m at this point in my life that I feel like I’m ready to talk about my past and especcialy my selfharm past. It started when I was about 12 years old. I Always felt kinda bad about myself but this is the point where I was diagnosed with a depression. I went to a new school and everyone was against me from day 1, this kept going till last year… from throwing my stuff out the window, into the river, to stepping at the back of my shoes so they would brake…
I stopped eating when I was 14, and at 15 I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. this was a really hard time, especially for my mom. I was commited to a hospital and I’m much better now. Ofcourse, when I started to loose that much weight, they came at me even more. which led to my last depression and The first time I self harmed was actually at school, when I was 16. This went on till last year and I’m proud I made it out.
It doesn’t matter where you come from, what people think about you. I did these things and if I had know what kind of dammage that would do to me, I never would have done it.
Hey there. You can be really really proud of being clean for a year, that’s great!
I think the longest clean period I ever was able to do was about 8 months or so.
I know how hard making friends can be, so that’s also something you can be truly proud of. I’m glad and it gives me some hope to see that it eventually does get better sometimes.
I can relate to the stuff about eating as well, I’m going through it right now. I honestly can’t imagine how I’ll ever get out of that and self-harming ever again, but reading your post has helped with that a bit, thank you for sharing. <3
What really hit very close to home is this last part:
It’s exactly the same for me. I actually cut myself for the first time out of pure curiosity. I then stopped again, because I had no reason to do it. Some time later, I became more and more depressed and when hating myself I thought back to that one time I did that and it became my way of supressing bad thoughts. That was when I was about 13 or 14 years old. I’m turning 19 in a week and it only got worse over the years. If only I had known what that one cut out of curiosity would do to me in the end, I would never have done it.
It does get better, but only if you confront yourself with this. I forced myself to tell my parents, even tho I knew this would be a very hard thing to do. I just walked downstaires in a top and said “mom, dad, I did something a while ago and I think I need help”. this was a really scary, but for me that was the right thing to do. People seem to forget that self harm is an addiction. To get rid of an addiction you need help. And there is nothing wrong with asking for help!! I truly hope you get through this and if you want I can give you some tips to quit self harm or at least think less about doing it.
I’d love to help others like me. I’m a survivor of several attemps and I’m not afraid to talk about it anymore. I want to put my story out to help others get through it because I know there is no way out of this if you’re all by yourself. Much love xx