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Belongs to: Therapist scared to react to Slipknot - Psychosocial
I’ve watched two of your videos… Slipknot has been a life long LOVE of mine. They are the soundtrack to my life. This life, like everyone else’s, has been full of highs and lows. As a 35+ man, my life is NOWHERE where I’d hope it would be, with surmounting issues that just beat you down. People tell me I’m hard on myself, repeatedly. Every time my response is, “If only you heard what I say to myself in my head…”. I don’t know how to stop, I don’t know sometimes how to stop hating myself. I know steps that I can take, but every mistake along the way is like a knife stab to the guy, it’s demoralizing and sends you into a downward spiral.
This is more than I’m sure ANYONE cares to hear, however I’ve considered seeking therapy lately, and every sentence that came out of your mouth while watching this resonated SOOOO hard with me you put me in tears throughout this whole video. I’ve heard this song 10,000 times and never once listened to it like you just showed me how to. I need to find a way to beat this horrible, demeaning and insulting voice in my head and strangely you may have just given me an anthem. A reminder when I listen to it, not as a jam I love but something motivating.
I truly feel like I just got a fantastic 10 minute session with a therapist, who said what I needed to hear form someone who has an true understanding how my mind might work, not just me and my suspicions and Dr. Google research. Thanks for your comments on this. You’ve got a new subscriber!
I’m 36 and did not find my path in life until I was around 33. After much painstaking work, and therapy. I am glad that you have found something that resonates with how you feel through HeartSupport’s content. It is not more than ANYONE at HS cares to hear. We love to hear what you are going through, because we know that letting it out is a powerful form of relief. Therapy is healthy when you are ready for it. I think that a big thing about the hiccups you discussed. The making mistakes along the way, and them being like knife stabs. I think that every small bit of progress is good progress. 1% improvements Daily compound into much larger improvement over a year. I read a book that greatly helped me with my ability to see the weight of small improvements over long periods of time. Called The Atomic Habits, By James Clear. I would highly recommend the audio book, as the author reads it himself. Get all of his tone and passion. The thing I have found that most helps me when I have hiccups in my growth, is to remember all the compounding interest of the growth that I have already achieved in myself. If you ever need to share more, to let the demeaning voice in your head have space to live in, so that it doesn’t fester inside you. Please feel free to do so. <3 I hope you find relief to what you are experiencing.
Thank you for sharing your experience here. I don’t know for others, but I truly appreciate when someone opens up about their mental health journey, especially when it comes down to the things we don’t see or know unless we talk about it. This inner dialogue you’ve been having, this repeated hate for yourself and somehow self-sabotage, is something I deeply relate to. Even though I’m not happy for you to experience any of this, I’m thankful you’ve decided to share it. There is something comforting in knowing that we are not alone in our struggles. Even if it doesn’t provide any solution, it’s an important reminder of our own humanity. And when we’re used to be unkind with ourselves, it puts perspective over the fact that we are not the problem… We just learned to see ourselves a certain way. You are not broken, it’s the discourse within that isn’t serving you.
Thankfully though, what is learned can be unlearned, even if in a lot of cases it has to be a slow process that tests our patience. As you said so well, it feels like it takes a tremendous effort to take two steps forward, and it’s hard to celebrate them as actual progress. On the contrary, the first error or failure along the way holds the potential to make us move backwards immediately. There are times when this dynamic feels completely hopeless. Although there may be a good part of perception there that needs to be reshaped too, as in the end the way we feel is valid but remains an interpretation too. Learning to replace facts where they are, cherishing the present and actual victories may be a fundamental asset to learn again, even if it’s now as grown adults.
We don’t know each other, but I’m personally proud of you for considering therapy as a future step. I’m 30 and only accepted to try it out a couple of years ago, after spending most of my life utterly depressed and eaten by anxiety. Truth be told, this step was fucking scary, and it took several attempts to find the right therapist for me… but it was all so worth it. Just the possibility of finally having a space where you can share all of this inner world, all that makes you feel alone and somehow broken, without any judgment in return, is absolutely priceless.
May the steps forward be fulfilling and leads you a path towards healing. You understand yourself well, you know what doesn’t serve you, now may be the time to start being actively supported in practicing the change of narrative that needs to happen within. You are not doomed to be your very own enemy. Taking care of yourself, seeking help and attending your needs will be active steps towards learning to be a supportive friend to yourself. And that’s the most significant rebellion you can manifest against the self-deprecative voice inside! It did its time, and it may still be present out of habit. But there is an entire world out there available for you, in which you won’t have to diminish yourself over and over. You got this, friend.
