Jokingly got told this, but it bothered me

Hey there,
This really isn’t this easy , it never is when it comes to this.
this is somewhat hard to type because i was told this as a joke but really it bothered me .
I was going to post this earlier but never got a chance to . I’m just staring at the screen saying “okay i have to do this , i should just let it out.”
Today wasn’t the best / wasn’t the easiest. i was woken up to having my boyfriend coming over , (yes i planned for him to come over) but when it got time , we were of course eating pizza ( i only ate 1 and 1/5 of a slice) , and we were talking , my boyfriend brings up how i don’t like the cold ( i also don’t like the heat). and my moms like yeah i wear jackets to school and how fat on the body helps keep you warm and my boyfriend turns to me saying you need to get more fat on you and i of course out of pure hurt i slapped his arm , and my mom took his side , i left the table and went to my room starting to cry because being told to get fat on me bothered me . For those who don’t know i’m 18 and i weigh about 105 pounds. It only bothered me because i felt like people weren’t happy with my body , even if they were joking. am i really a skinny idiot? I’ve been told since i has 15, or 16 that i need to gain weight and that was by my mom and i ignored her, it of course stopped but to hear that it hurt me . ever since my freshman year when i would be upset i wouldn’t really eat because i was too upset or i wanted to ''starve" my self. and i would basically start to barely eat anything big portion or not finish it . Since then i wouldn’t eat big portions i would either get a salad or a pizza at school cause that would suit me the best. I am now a senior and im somewhat doing that with a salad. i don’t eat my much besides snacks . i just don’t know anymore. being felt like i am this skinny idiot who should die, and how i shouldn’t be alive because i really don’t have worth and i felt like i wont have any worth . i don’t know what to do anymore . i truly don’t.



I get told this all the time; I’m 21 and 53kg (116 pounds). I’m usually the butt of jokes because I’m lanky and “look like a meth addict”. Usually, it is by my family, who mean well, but the other day I was at a friends 21st and was told by his Dad that I needed to put on weight. Now I’m not the type of person to get upset by this, but it still shocked me, however, I am very conscious of the fact that my weight is one of the first things that people notice about me. Of course, no-one means any harm (just like your mum and boyfriend), they just point it out because they think that it is due to an unhealthy obsession to weight and I’m not taking care of myself. Essentially, they are letting me know they are worried about me, without explicitly saying so.

I very rarely (if ever) work-out or exercise, so I take solace in the fact that there isn’t much I can do to put on weight. That it is just how my body is, my metabolism just works too well or too fast that my body can’t put on weight.

Talk to your boyfriend and seek his support, let him know that you want to avoid talking about your weight or at the least that it is a touchy subject for you. But also keep in mind that being skinny can also be unhealthy and your family and friends don’t want to see you waste away. That being said, you’re still young and weight is probably the thing most subject to change, but you gotta keep eating, even if it isn’t to put on weight. You’re body still needs the energy to function, and depriving yourself of the nutrients from food is a sure-fire way to reduce your daily energy; maybe that’s why you were sleeping when your boyfriend came over?

The sleeping part was way before my boyfriend came over , I got woken up by nsister and her loud friends around 11:42 and my boyfriend didn’t come over till 12:30 .

I’m sorry you have to go through this. I suggest you tell him how you feel about this and if other people in your life also makes offensive jokes about your weight or anything, tell them about how you feel.

My boyfriend appoligized . So everything was good even tho it bothered me when I wrote this . I am all good now

Hey Ashley,

A lot of people in our community identified with your pain in someway. And while many of us dont know what it feels like to be too skinny, the pain hurts regardless. You arent alone in your struggle with your body image. I hope we can help you feel less alone, and give a few perspectives on what may help


Well said @DyllonKG thank you , I also deal with anxiety and depression and my disabilities to. What I meant by that is I have ment I’m just a skinny idiot , who shouldn’t be alive who should just die . If that makes sense . My boyfriend did apologize. I’ll let him know for next time

Hey @all_around_ashley,

I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with these comments about your weight. Having had body image issues myself (on the heavyset side), it is most certainly distressing when viewed in a negative light. Truth be told, we all have been dealt less than desirable cards, but we work with what we have nonetheless. It is your own body, metabolism, and most importantly, your health- not theirs. From the sound of things, it does seem as if these quips you’ve been receiving over the years have grown into a negative influence upon your self-esteem. You have the power to change that for the better.

First, I agree with @Vicarious on many of the points they’ve brought up. Don’t be afraid to let your boyfriend and your family know that discussing or commenting on your weight is a personal boundary that shouldn’t be addressed in polite company. Second, you should only eat when you’re hungry. Eat in moderation- don’t try to convince yourself you need to splurge a meal, even if to appease someone close to you. It’s better for you to eat when your appetite naturally kicks in, and you’ll notice the positive effects the more you do that.

Certain Prescription Medications may affect your eating habits as well- in my case, it’s Adderall XR. I’ve always noticed when I haven’t routinely taken my Meds, I find myself having an impulsive, larger-than-usual appetite. I personally can’t say whether or not the effects of your prescription meds may be coinciding with your high metabolism, but it’s something to keep in mind in case you might receive any future Prescriptions.

Negative Body Image is a painful thing not many realize, but you are not alone. We believe in you in your struggle to reclaim your body image, especially a positive body image you can absolutely live with.

We have nothing but love for you, Ashley. Don’t give up!

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Hi Ashley, thanks for reaching out.

First of all, you don’t have to be skinny/fat to be beautiful. Secondly, I used to get told this all the time: their critics used to hurt me, but they also fuelled me up to go to a gym and work hard. Since then, I built a strong and nice body which I’m pretty happy about, and now they say I’m not big enough. See, people will also have something to complain about: could it be your appearance, or just your behaviour. I believe the best thing to do is to talk with your boyfriend about the issue: maybe he was just worried about you not eating that much.

Let us know how it goes

pioggia :sunflower: