I grew up in a church family, My mother and father kept a close eye on me, they didn’t want to see me get hurt, so they coddled me, thinking they were doing what was right. At puberty I began to rebale, I wanted to be like all my friends, they smoked, they drank, they listen to hair metal, the 80s was a screwed up time. Well what happened was, I would get angry and start smashing everything around me, a Dr had me evaluated and they put me on meds and SSI. I grew older having trouble finding women who wanted to date someone on SSI, that’s when depression set in, I tried to fix it with keeping busy doing things I liked to do. So at this point I’m early 30s, still not getting to do anything with my life, barely enough money to live, only thing from keeping me from suicide is the thought of burning in hell, that’s what our family religion believes, you can’t ask for forgiveness for a sin If your dead, and self harm is a sin, anyways I finally meet a woman at a bar I shot pool in, and we hit it off. Now I began to live life for the first time, I began drinking and partying every night, before I knew what happened, If I wasn’t drinking, I was looking for beer, before this people used to tell me I was so polite, now they could not get away from me fast enough, the woman I was dateing got with me because, I didn’t drink and was a nice guy, and now all we do is fight because drinking, not now but then. Anyway this went on for year’s, drinking, fighting, losing most of my friends, but the woman is still sticking by my side, I love her she’s a good woman. I don’t drink anymore kicked that, and not ever going back. But now I have quite a few helth problems, and I’m so fat I think my knees mite explode. Theirs quite a few things I’d still like to do in my life, but not sure if my health will let me. I’m going through a mid life crisis and not sure how to handle things anymore, theirs something wrong when a grown man sits and crys for no reason. I just wanted someone to listen to me because I feel like I’m never heard. Watch what you wish for, sometimes the simple life is all you need.
I’m listening. You’ve found a woman to love. You’ve put drinking behind you. You’ve made it through so much already. And there’s more that you want to do. That’s great. Dangerously overweight? You can fix that. It might not be easy, but it can be done. You can get better. You can lose weight. A healthier diet. More exercise. Maybe surgery if your doctor thinks it’s warranted. Think of what you want in the years ahead, and gradually work towards it. You’ve already built a better life in some ways. You can do this, too.
I hear you.
And I’m so proud of you coz you truly want to change your course of life. That choice and willingness is an amazing progress. Hold on to that thought. Think more on that and while you are thinking, take a walk. As far as you can go and then just a little more. Every day. Without fail. Do it for 21 days without break. Just go for a walk. Talk to the lord. About anything. Even the Color of the sky if nothing else comes to mind. Take a walk outside, and connect once again with life. Think things through. Use this thinking time to keep moving and speak less. Reflect more.
I’m so very proud of you for recognising the love and devotion of your woman. Think on how you can show her appreciation. And walk while you think.
Think constructive and progressive thoughts everyday. Each week come up with an achievable aim for the next week. Example: whole of next week, every day I’ll drink 16 glasses of water. Whole of next week every day I’ll walk one mile more than yesterday. Whole of next week, I’ll read one good book per day. Whole of next week, I’ll go to church and just sit there and have an honest conversation with the Lord. … So many small, achievable and positive things to think and choose and do.
And remember, I’m listening. I hear you. I see your effort and your heart. And I feel proud of you. If I do so much, the Lord in heaven does so a million times more…
@YourBrokenBabyBoy Hey man first thank you for feeling so welcomed and opened to come here. you sound like a guy with a lot to share and much wisdom. I hope you do not feel that you do not have worth cause it seems you have a lot to share and express. It really hurts to see a grown man cry because when they do it means a lot is on their mind. I want to say its okay to do that. It is okay to let it out sometimes and just put it at the cross. Remember where your worth is and remember to long for the cross brother.
Awesome that you were able to break the heavy drinking I know some guys that are in that boat of non-stop drinking and I’m always worried about them. I think you have the courage and strength to do a lot. You may not see it yet but it shows.
For your health start small. skip out on the burgers and cut out all the junk food and eat more salads.
Make Saturday your day of having a massive great burger from a great burger joint. A lot of people misunderstand that the hardest part of getting healthy is not the working out part its the eating part.
I get overwhelmed with my emotions also and I make sure I tell my friends how I am doing. I make sure to be honest with what I am going through. It really helps to have people around me that I can share how I feel and I hope you do too. Love you brother.
Morgan Vincent Hochstetler
@YourBrokenBabyBoy here is our video response from today’s live stream on our Twitch channel. Hold Fast.
Well obviously, this isn’t true because you’ve obtained someone that really digs you. As for sin what is a sin? If you’re a Christian the only sin that is a sin is not loving god or his word. Everything else even the 10 commandments are covered under this. All you have to do is honestly love god and ask for forgiveness every time you sin and you’re good. (At least this is how I derive Christianity’s doctrine)
I am an agnostic pagan. So for me anything that isn’t natural or includes me hurting myself or someone else is wrong. This is my perspective. (This doesn’t stop the issues that I have with my mental health, physical health or my homicidal/suicidal tendencies.)
It seems to me that your life is on the upside. As for your health, I’m not sure if everything can be fixed. Your weight could though with the changing of your diet and physical activity. Just start moving for physical activity. I chose walking for myself (now I do more). Anything works as long as you just move even if it is just cleaning your home. As for your diet, there are several options: You’ve your Keto which is the basic updated version of the Adkin’s. You’ve your Mediterranean which is just fish, veggies & fruit. You’ve your High protein which is Chicken or Turkey, Fruit, and veggies. You’ve your low sodium diet & the low carb diet. Pretty much they’re all low carb.
Finally, there’s the diet that I am on Which is High Protein, low carb & sodium (salt). Also if you have diabetes you should avoid sugars.
I am not saying you have to do my advice. I am just giving you a place to start somewhere.
Thanks everyone for all your support, I really appreciate it. I went to se a therapist about 6 weeks ago and she put me on a new Bipolar med, I am just now starting to get the full effects of the med, I had to be bumped up slow because if I took to much to fast it could cause a deadly rash. I went to see my pcp the other day and I have lost 10 pounds, I Couldn’t move very well on the other Bipolar med I was on I was always aking and stiff, this med makes me active, I always have to be doing something. My mood has improved some but I still have bouts of Jekyll and Hyde behavior, I’m not going to let it get me down because this is the most improvement I’ve had in years. I go back to see my therapist in two weeks I think. Thanks everyone I’ll keep you all in my prayers.
I’m glad you’re getting the help you need, and that you’ve got a path to a better future. Thanks for letting us know. I know it’s not easy, but you’re on the right track. Keep it up!