Is it my destiny?
It is part of your journey. But it doesn’t have to be your destiny. And it certainly doesn’t define you. I think, ans know, that you hold so much more beauty within you than just these ups and downs and the inner turmoil it creates each time.
I know you’re tired, and I wish I could have all the answers and guarantee how the future could be. It would be a lie to say that things get instantly better and don’t require some work on our end. However, I do know that you have all the strength and determination within you to keep trying, to keep opening new doors, to keep taking steps that you might have been afraid to take before. You have inherited a lot of burdens that you didn’t want nor asked for, and that’s unfair. However, you are absolutely able to learn to handle these ups and downs, what feels sometimes like an endless battle within you, and turn it into something that would be growth to you.
These hurdles may be familar to you, still you are not the person you were 5, 10 or more years. Not even the same person you were yesterday. What looks like similar obstacles are still felt, seen and overcome differently because you are not the same person either. You don’t forget all the things you have learned and happen to help, because you own a gift of memory and you keep carrying it with you, even when life is messy.
I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could silence your fears. But I can sit next to you and remind you that things will appear a little more clear once the storm is gone and once you will feel a little less overwhelm. Your mind probably thinks: “until the next time”! Maybe. But each time you keep learning and you keep growing. It’s takes time to see it.
Is there one accomplishment/change you’ve noticed in yourself this year that you could name here? Just one. It doesn’t have to be huge. Only meaningful. Something meaningful enough to remind you that you are not cycling and you are not stuck. I can tell that, from what I’ve seen just in this community:
- You have worked on getting more informations about things you struggle with like BPD, just to get more insight and understanding about it.
- You have reached out multiple times alreadry when you were feeling vulnerable.
- You’ve been part of a SWAT Team despite being the kind of hiding and being shy (I get it, I’m the same!).
- You have been considering a visit to your doctor + planning what you’d like of address with them, even a change of medication/dosage.
I think these are some major steps already. It’s okay to give yourself the grace and credit you deserve, especially during rough times.
I don’t know what the future holds. But I know that I believe in you and your ability to keep moving on, not despite the hurdles of life, but through them, and without being alone either. There’s an army of fighters in this community who are grateful for leading this fight by your side. Love is our greatest weapon.