So, when I was younger, my brother was addicted to heroin, stole from our family to feed said addiction, and was abusive towards me. Most of the time, it was verbal and emotional but some days, he did get physical. I wasnt able to leave home until about halfway through my senior year of high school.
So, jump to now. He’s clean, has a kid, and a girlfriend, and he wants to try to be a brother now.
I have no interest in forgiving him. In fact, my life is much better without him. I’ve expressed this to my mom, who is very vocal about how I should forgive him and other people have come up to me to say the same dumb things. “He’s changed! He’s clean! He cares about you! He just wants to say sorry!”
I don’t care about him wanting to say sorry or having a relationship with him. I don’t care about what he wants to say. All of it is meaningless.
In my eyes, we come from the same mother. That’s the only relation I see between us. Anyone that starts preaching forgiveness, I immediately consider them not thinking about me and what I want.
“But addicts deserve a second chance!”
True but I’m his younger brother. If he ever truly cared about me, he wouldn’t have stolen stuff that meant a lot to me and he never would have been abusive.
I live with my mom and her boyfriend and every so often, he does come around which wouldn’t be a problem if he didnt talk to me.
The other day, he kept trying to initiate conversation and I ignored him. I went into my room, with my hands shaking in anger. I really wanted to go upstairs and start whaling on him but I have a decent relationship with my mom.
Am I being childish? Sure. Plenty of people have passive aggressively pointed that out and some have said it straight to me. Is the anger and hate damaging me? Probably but the less I’m around people, the better.
Again, I get that he wants to make amends and wants to start that brotherly bond he chose to ignore years and years ago but all I want to do when he’s around is kill myself.
“But you could move out.”
I don’t have a car and I don’t make enough to get myself an apartment. For the time being, I am stuck at my mom’s house.
I have given forgiveness a thought but to me, it’s me saying to him “It’s ok that you got addicted to heroin, kept making bad choices, and you always disregarded my feelings.”
I’d rather torch the bridge he wants to build rather than help him build it.