We are so frustrated. One kid doesn’t go to sleep till after 11 has (ADHD) the other kid has nightmares constantly and is up frequently.
We have to wait till the weekends as they go to their father’s. But by the time that happens my wife is overstimulated and overwhelmed with work, ex husband, kids and Me that nothing happens. I feel like I’m always trying, trying to touch trying to kiss.
I do understand her reluctance because of my depression that I was going through last year that lasted 18 months previously.
As I’m writing this now the kid is wide awake, my wife asleep and I’m in the dark.
We also have a dog that is her emotional support dog (Chihuahua) that essentially blocks intimacy.
I’m tired of not having intimacy. I am tired of not being able to just enjoy her presence,
Don’t know what to do
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Hey Leugim_ren,
I’m really sorry to hear how tough things have been lately. It sounds like there’s a lot of juggling with the kids, work, and emotions. Trying to find space for intimacy and closeness when you’re stretched thin can feel nearly impossible.
It’s understandable that with one child’s ADHD and another’s nightmares, your evenings can be unpredictable and exhausting. Add to that your wife’s overstimulation and feeling overwhelmed, it makes sense that intimacy gets pushed aside. Even if the weekends are supposed to bring relief, it sounds like the stress builds up, leaving both of you too drained to connect.
You’re not wrong to feel frustrated. It’s completely understandable that you want to enjoy your wife’s presence and share moments together. Wanting to feel that intimacy is natural, and being unable to have it can leave you feeling isolated and yearning for more.
I haven’t been in any relationships that had a similar situation like this, but my uncle went through something similar when his partner and he was stretched thin by life’s demands. They both wanted to connect, but it seemed like there was always another hurdle in the way. What helped them was having a conversation that wasn’t about solving the problem right away, but just sharing our frustrations and acknowledging what they both felt.
Maybe finding small, non-demanding moments throughout the day could help. A quick check-in before bed or sharing a meal without distractions might help you both feel more connected even if it’s not in the way you envision. It might be worth talking to your wife about your feelings gently, acknowledging the pressure she’s under while sharing what you miss. Or you can swap positions and let her express her exhaustion for a bit.
It’s also important to give yourself some grace and not blame yourself or your wife for the challenges right now. Life sounds really overwhelming for both of you, and just getting through each day together is already a lot.
Take small steps, and remember that your connection can be rebuilt even if it takes some time. You’re not alone in feeling this frustration, and I hope you both find a way to reconnect. Hope this helps!
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