Last april 30 in the early morning hours my only b

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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hot To Be Me by Ren Ft Chinchilla
Last April 30, in the early morning hours my only brother died alone as he took heroin and cocaine for the last time. I hadn’t spoken to him for about a month prior because I was so angry with him and his addiction. Almost a year later and I still am wrecked with such sobbing grief because how he died and how we weren’t in a good place. He texted me on Easter asking if I was doing anything with our parents. I didn’t reply. That was our last interaction and I’ve been watching this performance so many times since then. I miss him so much and wish I hadn’t pushed him away. His name was Nick and he was an incredible person despite his addiction.

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My heart hurts for you friend. My mother was schizophrenic and became an alcoholic after her mental break. I understand now that it was a coping mechanism, but at that time, I didn’t take the time to educate myself on her condition and to be more understanding of her human-ness if that makes sense. One morning I woke up and found her dead. Alcohol and pills. And that chance to understand and actually help, was gone. So I understand the guilt and the crushing grief. It’s been years and are finally days where I don’t hate myself, but that came with lots of therapy. I’m sending you virtual hugs because I get it. :heart: