Last april 30 in the early morning hours my only b

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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hot To Be Me by Ren Ft Chinchilla
Last April 30, in the early morning hours my only brother died alone as he took heroin and cocaine for the last time. I hadn’t spoken to him for about a month prior because I was so angry with him and his addiction. Almost a year later and I still am wrecked with such sobbing grief because how he died and how we weren’t in a good place. He texted me on Easter asking if I was doing anything with our parents. I didn’t reply. That was our last interaction and I’ve been watching this performance so many times since then. I miss him so much and wish I hadn’t pushed him away. His name was Nick and he was an incredible person despite his addiction.

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My heart hurts for you friend. My mother was schizophrenic and became an alcoholic after her mental break. I understand now that it was a coping mechanism, but at that time, I didn’t take the time to educate myself on her condition and to be more understanding of her human-ness if that makes sense. One morning I woke up and found her dead. Alcohol and pills. And that chance to understand and actually help, was gone. So I understand the guilt and the crushing grief. It’s been years and are finally days where I don’t hate myself, but that came with lots of therapy. I’m sending you virtual hugs because I get it. :heart:

Hey there,

First off I just want to say thank you for being so open with us here, we appreciate it and don’t take it for granted.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know loss, but not in this way, or this relation. I want you to know there was nothing you could have done to change this… a lot of people including myself with they had said more, done more, been there more, but you did the best you could at the time and that is okay.

I have lost my grandparents due to old age, but I have also lost a close friend from a bike accident. For some reason I was mad at him, or annoyed with him… I didn’t talk to him for months, I was short with him when he tried to talk to me. I didn’t reach out. One day I learned that he had passed away… I felt so much guilt and sadness, I felt guilty for not reaching out, for being mad at him when I didn’t even know the reason. Loss is so painful, and grief is so hard to work through. It is something I don’t wish on anyone.

My fathers sister had a struggle with drugs as well, and he tried to help, but you have to take care of yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

I used to get so consumed with trying to help others that I forgot what I needed, I forgot who I was. I think in this time you were doing what was best for you, you have to protect yourself, you have to take care of yourself. It is hard to accept that you did what was best for you at the time, you cannot save people, no matter how much we love them or support them or try to be there for them.

Something I try to remind myself when I am upset thinking about my losses, is that they are with me in spirit. I am not really religious in any way but it brings me some sense of solace to remind myself that they are still with me in some way.

With my grandparents I always wished I had done more, seen them more, been more myself, talked to them more. It is still something I find myself thinking about to this day even though it has been a year since my last loss. It is crucial to remember you did the best you can, and that is okay.

It is easy to get caught up in things you wish you did, wish you said, wish you didn’t do. Those thoughts can become consuming. I know it’s hard, but please don’t beat yourself up about these things.

My friend things get better things get easier to handle, please know we are always here for you, to listen, to be a shoulder to lean on.

You did what you could do, and that is okay.

Much love to you,
Lys

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@@HeartSupport Wow Lyss, I wasn’t expecting a response like this. Your encouragement and words of wisdom are so very appreciated. I have taken them to heart and look forward to reminding myself that I did the best I could. That my Brother Nick is still with me, only in a different way. I will focus on being healthy, so that I can make a positive impact by pouring out from a cup that is full, not an empty cup. Your message has been heard and very much made a difference in my life today. I thank you sincerely. I will investigate more into the HeartSupport program. What a powerful way to give back.:mending_heart:

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Its not your fault honey. I hope you forgive yourself, your brother would want you too. He would not want you to be suffering. I lost my brother to suicide and for a while I could not forgive myself for not knowing he was in so much pain.
But I had to accept that the last thing he would want was me to live my life filled with sadness and grief.
You will find the new you, its definatly not going to be the same you. It definatly changes who you are losing someone young, who had so much promise.
Do not waste another day of your life, your brother would say, if you feel guilty use that guilt to live a better life for me.

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it is no way your fault. Nick loved you and He knew you love Him.
My family have pushed me away over the years due to drugs but I knew they still oved me but did not understand me.
Stay strong and give this a listen. song of the mamuna tribe.