I’m doing ok. I got thru it 
I’m on day four. I spent most of yesterday hanging out with all the heart support streams, then Casual_H3ro streamed till late in the evening. I had a good day and the positivity of it all got me thru. I’ve only had a couple times where my boyfriend had to help, so I think I’m good there.
Then, I wake up this morning and I keep hearing “they don’t really care about you.” “they just tolerate you.” “you’re a monster, just save them the heartache and disappear.” When I’m in stream or even with people IRL, I feel disconnected. I’m there, but I’m inside that sealed jar as everyone moves around me. I’m interacting, but it doesn’t feel real. Does anyone know that feeling?
I know people here like me, but at the same time, it’s hard for me to believe that. I feel so badly for saying that, it breaks my heart. It’s like I have two different consciousnesses and one is positive and one just wants to die. I just try to remind myself of the wonderful things you’ve all said to me. I just try to trust and I ignore the voices and the impulse to flee.
I hang on.
I’m glad you keep fighting against the voices, and I hope you have enough evidence about your value and worth here 
I do 100%. I hold on so tight to things like that people say to me. Thank you Sita, my friend.
we mean it, 101% my friend we really do!
I get it, I honestly get that feeling of how hard it is to believe, the only reason its so hard to believe is because you dont see what we see. One day I truly hope you will and then you will understand exactly what your worth in this world is and you are in for such a pleasant surprise. I hope im there to see it. When you have these thoughts message me. Im always here for you. You are doing so well. Im proud of you xx
Thank you @Lisalovesfeathers Your words are always comforting and I appreciate you. There is a constant dialog going on in my head of positive and negative thoughts (picture the angel on one shoulder and th devil on the other screaming at each other) it just get a little overwhelming when I have stress. Not being able to get high to quiet my mind isn’t easy right now. I just need to find a different way to cope, so I’m hoping I get placed with a new psychiatrist soon.
PS you are a valued and loved member of this community, don’t forget that! I love hanging out with you in discord
We can chat other times too if you need to, so just dm me and if im awake and can string more that two words together we can chat. Please dont sit and suffer, that is not good for anyone. xxx
Thank you my friend, much love. It goes both ways
These two sentences took me right back to my teen years, in a time before I avoided the world and wanted so badly to be a part of it. I absolutely know this feeling, and it’s heartbreaking.
@SheetMetalHead It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone, but it breaks my heart to hear that other people feel this way too.
Rosie this is really inspiring! I’ve fallen back into using weed more frequently to cope with my mental health getting worse, and it’s incredibly to see you on the other side of that journey, working and taking it a day at a time.
Much love
Thank you @YoungLordByron
Smoking weed (or any drugs) actually makes your mental health worse. It’s hard to accept this, but it’s true. Its hard to concentrate, no motivation (who needs that when you’re already depressed and have none in the first place), my mood goes to shit and not to mention all the money problems and shame.
I’m finding that just being with myself and accepting the emotions that I’m having is working better. I’m able to work thru my emotions more effectively without the confusion drugs add to it.
I just hope I can keep going, this is getting very hard.
you keep taming that dragon, friend!! so proud of you!
This is something I do to stop voices and intrusive thoughts/images. Sometimes a color for each voice until it stops. Sometimes all one color until the intrusive stuff stops. The I in the middle starts it and there are rules, but I don’t think anyone would understand. Sometimes, it works for anxiety or fear too. I tear them up when I’m done, but I just wanted share how I got thru tonight. It’s bed time, but I’m going to change this to day seven because it’s after midnight.
Well done for reaching this new milestone, @Mystrose. I hope you’re resting as much as needed. You can be proud of yourself. Know that we’re all proud of you here.