Hi there, I am struggling with a situation and I am not sure how to deal with it.
I am in a fairly new relationship (8 months) which started from my side seriously from the very beginning. We agreed to be exclusive when we decided to try dating but through a super stupid incident I have learned that my partner was heavily (!!) flirting with other people during the first 3 months of our relationship. He denies having met any of these people and he also denies having cheated on me physically. After a first attempt of worming his way out of it, he admitted everything and apologized, asking me to stay and to continue with him. He says that he stopped this nonsense when he realized that his feelings for me got stronger. Some part of me wants to believe it. It seemed all so great, because he asked me to move in with him and we just met each others parents, we were talking about the future. He claims that being with me changed him and made him believe in relationships again -he doesn’t tell me much about his past but I understand that he had more less only short and bad relationships so far but a lot of them. I in contrast had few but long and deep relationships (11 years the longest). I am a big believer in second chances, but how can I trust this relationship, when he lied to me so early on? For me there was only him, while he went on digging around. I am so disappointed and also not sure how to deal with it if I decide to continue. On the other hand I wonder if I am having such hard feelings because I am hard on myself. Loyalty, integrity, honesty are very important to me and I am always trying my best to live up to these standards. So I am of course down if other people do not. But not everybody is like me, especially with this crazy dating scene today (note that I am in my mid 30s!). I feel really shit, because I had just recently a super bad experience with betrayal and struggled with destructive thoughts because I beat myself up for not seeing it coming. Like it is my own fault if people go behind my back. Now I am starting to have nightmares again and I suffer! I feel there is nothing good for me out there.
Please only comment If you have something supportive to share, and I will be grateful for that. If you have nothing supportive to share, please refrain from commenting.