TL;DR at bottom: I started using the net when I was 12 years old. I have a decade’s worth of blowing up in anger at businesses and calling people insults, reverse-trolling trolls, screaming at people in online gun games, etc. I am overwhelmed by the thought that this is going to impact my future. All of the discord messages I sent to people in disdain, etc. To get my first few jobs I provided source codes of projects I had worked on in communities where I’d dump on people that would pretend to be dumb or try to be insulting. I was pretty good at poking the bear and walking away. It made me feel good when I could one-up someone that was being a jerk into not replying anymore because I made them look like a bum out of themselves.
I do have problems with anxiety, but I never really put a lot of thought into how much what I’m doing is all linked and tracible. No matter how much I try to wipe all past accounts, change email addresses, change phone numbers, change Github accounts, change twitch accounts, etc
I’ve been a jerk to people for a long time until I realized something - most people won’t change and if they do it’s of their own accord. Educating someone on their mistakes can lead them to lashing out at you or banning you. Some people can’t handle being corrected or feel you’re doing it only to insult them. People can have a lot of pride about certain aspects of themselves and will pretend to have knowledge or awareness they don’t in order to maintain that.
When I want to start a real business someday in the near future, I’ve no doubt someone that decides they’re upset I’m successful that had spoken to me at one point will grab a log of a conversation I had had with them at one point.
I think the scariest thing about living in this time is millennials and Gen Z grew up in an online environment and neither have really heeded much mind to the possibility that their paper trail to review things is also everyone else’s paper trail.
Another thing that concerns me is how much monitoring there is in 2020. Even homeless people have phones with cameras on them. I wish I could go back to a time in the early 90’s where we weren’t monitored so constantly. When you could get by on your own merits - not on Google. I’ve wasted a lot of time talking crap to people online because I didn’t have many friends, and it was something I could “win” at. It scares the crap out of me that I could talk to a young girl that is lost and be recorded, and someone could try to cancel me for attempting to groom said girl. It’s so easy for 1 person to ruin your life now unless you’re extremely wealthy. It’s like, you better hope you blow when you’re little and your income rapidly rises before someone tries to latch onto your past behavior - otherwise, good luck. Also, so many companies buy out other companies which can change the policy and ownership of data, which can then be handed out like candy to whoever. Someone internal working at a company could also anonymously put your info out on the dark web. Someone could spend $1000 with a few instances of you looking bad to have a hacker “justifiably” brute force or keylog you and get everything personal.
TL:DR - I have some issues with anxiety. I’m concerned about how much I’ve put out there over the years. This is a pipe dream, but I’m wondering with 25 grand saved up if there is somewhere in the US where I can move to and have a living income and still have my own place and internet access. Somewhere with cheap rent, with simple work. Something I’m not destroying myself physically on, and closer to 32 hours a week - I sometimes just get overwhelmed by 40. I want to reboot my life. I want time to meditate and live in a simple routine. I wish I could find the love of my life and start a family before I am in my mid 30s and live a simple life. I wish we were back in a simpler world - for all of the technology that can help us health-wise, our lives are kind of an open book to anyone ambitious enough to crack it. I could go on disability for high functioning ADD, and and anxiety.