Life is a pointless void

Alright, I need to vent for a moment…
I am just so sick of everything… it all seems so pointless.
I am always alone… I have done everything I can think of and that has been suggested to me as to how to make friends but no one is interested in being my friend and to an extent I am used it, it has been my whole life pretty much, and for my entire childhood, I held on because I thought that someday, something would change and things would get better… and yet it hasn’t and so if it hasn’t changed in 20+ years, it’s not going to change in the future.
I also, cannot stand to live with my parents anymore (don’t get me wrong, they are not horrible people - but I mean no one wants to live with their parents forever). I am tired of not having my own space and always feeling like they are hovering and butting into my life. But I can’t afford to move out. I finally found a job where I like the work I do and that doesn’t enhance my depression to an insanely unhealthy point or drives me to the brink of a mental collapse, but it doesn’t pay me enough to live and be independent. It barely pays me enough to pay my rent and bills while living with my parents.
There isn’t a purpose to life. I’ve heard it before that it is just a living hell that you have to walk through until you hopefully make it to a sparkly and shiny afterlife. But if that’s true (which my life would suggest), then why was it so wrong when I tried to get myself to the pearly gates now? None of these problems are temporary… and I am just so sick of having to deal with them… I just need it all to go away. I just want a life I can love… I don’t need anything fancy. Just people to do life with and the ability to financially take care of myself. But I can never seem to get myself there, no matter what I try or how hard I try.
I am so mad at God. He shows up in other peoples lives and blesses them, yet He leaves me in the dark, permanently alone, struggling, sad and constantly treading water. He ignores me. He doesn’t care or love me… if He did, like He does for others, something would have changed by now,
I have been working so hard and changing things in my life, getting healthy ect. But what’s the point… it’s a lot of expended energy to see no results at all. There isn’t a point to anything, and it will never get better.
Alright, rant/vent/complaining over.



First, I just want to say that you are incredibly strong for continuing on and fighting despite the struggles you have faced. After having one thing after another happen without any sign of change for so long, I can understand why you would start to lose hope and get angry. That being said, the fact that you are trying and looking for ways to push yourself and find things that help you and your quality of life really demonstrates how strong you are. I just really want to emphasize how wonderful you are. Despite the cards you’ve been dealt, you haven’t given up.

I truly do believe that you can have a life that you love. I know a life of sadness and pain is not what was meant for you. It is a very difficult place to be when God feels so far away and when it feels as though He isn’t giving any answers or guidance. It is easy to feel isolated and separated from Him during those times. That being said, I just want you to know that despite all of those feelings of isolation and distance from God, He loves you dearly and unconditionally. He has never once left your side. Even when you’ve felt like He was nowhere near you, there was not a prayer He didn’t hear or a tear He didn’t see.

HeartSupport loves and supports you and we are happy you are here with us. Don’t give up hope. You still have story to tell and a life worth living. We believe in you.

~Hannah Rhodes


Hi @Michellelena,

Thank you for sharing this with us. That’s a really important first step to moving past this.

I know it sucks to feel like you’re alone. Sometimes I feel that way too, but I have realized that I am not alone.

I know what it’s like to feel like life is meaningless. Sometimes I feel like that too, and I understand if you still do too, but I have decided that’s not the case.

Everyone goes through peaks and valleys in their faith, and I promise you that you are not any different. You say you are mad at God. To me this means that you had once had faith in God, or at least believed He can do great things. I promise you that everyone of faith goes through spiritual challenges. So many people doubt the existence of God after giving their life to Him. I know I did. C. S. Lewis is an example of countless people who start out atheist and then are overwhelmed by evidence that proves them wrong.

I just watched a magician last night in a show called The Maze. He is an incredible magician, but throughout his show and especially toward the end he shares his testimony – how he transformed from a materialistic atheist into a Christian. I won’t go into details, but it involves great tragedy. There was almost no way that he would be able to live through his battle with cancer, but he did. He had told himself, much like C. S. Lewis, that if he were to receive overwhelming evidence that God exists, he would follow Him. Throughout this journey, he had so much overwhelming evidence. So he now follows Christ.

You don’t have to believe a word I say, but I feel the need to say all of this right now. What I am trying to point out is that while there is so much tragedy, chaos, and depression in this world, there is also hope, peace, and love. God loves you. He loves you more than anything, and I really believe that. The Bible says He is jealous for you. He gave his Son to die for you, to overcome death so that you could have life. Everlasting life. New life. A life of hope. A life where fear turns to faith, where dark turns to light.

I promise you that through everything going on in your life right now, there is a God, and He has literally died for you, and He offers you new life. Today, tomorrow, next week, next year – any moment you decide that you want to put your faith in Him. Any time you have drifted away but want to come back, He is there for you. He is waiting for you. All you have to do is turn away from living the way you know how and to turn to him with hope and faith. Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

You are never alone. He is there for you whenever you decide you’re ready. I truly believe that. It’s okay if you don’t, but it seems like you have experience with God and I am praying that this gives you hope.

If you ever feel like you can’t carry on any longer, please reach out to someone. Maybe your parents. Maybe an anonymous phone call to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1.800.273.8255. Please never try to go through life alone, because you are not. Posting here was one great way of sharing your life with others, and I am so proud of you for having the courage to do that. Thank you for being a part of this community. The world is truly blessed to have you. You are wonderfully made and truly unique from everyone else around you. The world needs you here.

Please keep up hope. We believe in you. <3


Hey @Michellelena, thank you for reaching out!

I disagree, however I completely understand your train-of-thought. Growing up, my mom always told me that I’m going to do a LOT of growing in my 20s. Naturally, I rolled my eyes and thought she had no idea what she was talking about. Now, being 26, I’ve come to the realization that she was 100% on-point. Comparing who I am now to who I was at 20 is like comparing night and day - and I still have 4 years to go until I’m out of my 20s! Seasons frequently change; please just continue to hold on and I promise that it’ll get better. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will.

A quote popped in my head while reading this - “It’s not ‘the grass is greaner on the other side’, it’s ‘the grass is greener where you water it.’” I didn’t have a healthy home when I lived with my parents, but I was living rent-free. Now that I’ve moved out, I’m independent but barely scraping by. I can say that being out of my former toxic environment has helped me improve mentally, although the financial stress is, well, stressful. My life-situation has taught me that, although the grass looks greener on the other side, the grass is actually greener wherever you water it. So, I’ve decided to water my current circumstance, reminding myself that this is temporary. Remember that your situation is temporary. I promise you that it’ll change just as seasons change.

Based on your post, I’m going to assume that you’re relatively religious. I’m a Christian, and the only thing that has kept me pushing (aside from the encouragement from friends and family) is that there is a purpose in life, and that when my purpose is fulfilled, God will take me home, however I will not take myself home by my own hand. People can argue day-and-night on the existence of God and the existence of everyone having a purpose, but because the belief of a “purpose” is working so well for me, I’ve decided to believe it in my heart, and I highly recommend for you to believe it too.

I can completely relate to this. You are absolutely not alone. Referencing my paragraph above, sometimes we won’t know why things happen the way they do, but if you believe in everyone having a purpose, somehow, someway, whatever is going on with you must serve a higher purpose. Heck, I’ve been to hell-and-back (a few times), and if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have developed a deep sense of empathy, and I might not even be a part of HeartSupport. I’ve developed a heart for the hurting and broken because of what I’ve personally been through. Did God allow me to go through my past in order to reach out and help the public for the future? Maybe, and if He did, I’m fine with that, because this life is short anyway compared to eternity. It all points back to a higher purpose.


1 Like

it’s tough when you try harder and harder but life doesn’t seem to change, and worse when your problems seem to make each other bigger. but as long as you keep trying, you’re making progress. sometimes the progress is so small that it’s hard to see, but it’s there, and it eventually makes a difference. and sometimes it’s bigger, like how you just found a job that doesn’t crush you mentally. mental health progress is always huge and meaningful, and always opens the way for improving on other things.

i’m glad you reached out to us. stick around, we’re with you.


I have been going through something very similar, stuck living with family and not able to support myself, just feeling like life is pointless. I often think about why I should still be alive. I don’t feel like I’m worth anything to the world. I know that I should think differently and that there is hope for change but it’s hard to see that when I feel trapped in this darkness.
I feel for you darling my heart goes at to you, and know that you are not alone.


@Michellelena I was like you once. The situation/circumstance was making me toxic. I use to be a christian and the very thing about other people being “blessed” hits home. I asked questions, asked for “blessings” & all it did was lead to huge anxiety & stress. I had too many questions and only got a slew of answers that were pretty much: God knows what is good for you-hang in there, You’re the problem & You’re not doing it properly or you’d be blessed. Pretty much a copout saying I don’t have the answer. The only answer they gave me that was even close to being right was “You’re the problem”. In a way they were right, Your perspective in life could very much kill all your ambition, motivation & preparation. We live in a global community that pretty much has been setup as a “Fast food” mentality where we want everything now. Truth is this mentality has been detrimental to society because it has left a lot of people feeling powerless. Instead of a treatment people want a cure (Instead of a homecooked meal people settle for a microwaved tv dinner). Truth is there is no satisfactory that comes from “I tried it and it didn’t work. I quit.” Everyone learns this that has achieved, succeeded or been “Blessed”. What I’m saying is a lot of people give up because they feel powerless. The problem is they have power. Some have the power to be “Blessed now”. The problem is The key word is SOME. Not everyone has that power. This doesn’t mean you don’t have the power to be “Blessed”. It only means you don’t have the power to be “Blessed now.” Most people take the mentality “I don’t have the power of “Blessed Now” so I can’t be “Blessed” at all.” As you’ve already realized this is wrong. You have the power to be “Blessed” still. Just not be “Blessed now.” The only difference is dedication, preparation and hard work. All power that everybody has. The difference is patience. A lot of people quit and so of course they haven’t been “Blessed”. There has been many times I’ve needed batteries (or something). I tell myself “I need to go to the store for them.” Yet Unless I get my coat, keys and leave my apartment and travel to the store. I won’t have my batteries. You want change you can make it happen sometimes change doesn’t just happen. Sometimes miracles aren’t random.

1 Like

Also If you think nothing has changed in your circumstances. You are wrong. You mentioned wanting friends but nobody has reached out to you. Yet You mentioned how you took the steps in everything you could do on your part you’ve done. A streamer I know has the slogan #BeTheLight. She says if you desire something from someone, but aren’t getting it then the best method is to be what you desire towards someone else. You’ve done that. You’ve offered your friendship to other people. You may not have got the friends you want, but you’re a friend. You’ve changed yourself. I am in a similar circumstance where I am looking for friends irl, but I’m being a friend to many people. In the words of Obama “Change. Yes we can.”

1 Like